More than 15 minutes I was looking to the title and the white empty space, before I decide to write this first sentence.
A moving from where we (Neiseti and I) live was probably the main reason that I threw Recapitulation and Shamanscave for more than a month.
We had to close, sell and vacate both our store and our appartment in less than 2 weeks and prepare our 2 pekignese and 1 cat and our stuff who already sent to the Netherlands. Now, a bit more relaxed we are staying with our 2 dogs and 1 cat, and we will stay here for one month in my parents' house in another city here in Greece.

Tonight I expressed for 2nd time but this time was more stronger my feelings about shamanscave to my partner. Deeply, I feel that Shamanscave is maybe the only solution for me to start to deal with my self finaly and try to get to know him better, but I don't know why, which or whom is scaring me and draws me away from this site. Let me here add that I do not intent to vilificate in any way this site and/or it's faculty and all these only express what I feel.

Most of the times, when I enter the Shamanscave forums, I don't feel "like I am at home", though some people here were very open hearted, subtle and gentle.

Deep...Deep...Deep...I am diging now this very moment inside myself.....................and................I can feel that this is a reaction from the part inside me that don't want to be found...
...It is very clever...tricky...I am thinking...I could ask your help, I would like to ask for your help -since I want to start the September classes in Recapitulation- but in the other hand I feel that......if this help is a helping hand like from the mother to the child type, then...one part inside me will disapprove this kind of help...and will try to dominate...

I don't know what to do...and I don't know if tomorrow I will feel better and more stable...but this moment, tonight at 5:49 in the morning Greek time I feel insecure...and frightened

Hey Luminous,

I too have had many journeys into the feeling that you are expressing here. This to me is a good thing initially as it is an active process into just what you have pointed at, getting to know more of your "self." And after you go through a period of this insecurity you come out the other end with trophies of knowledge and direct experience of how to navigate when you journey into "you." Also this feeling of fear lessens as you go into each new journey, eventually becoming non existent.

Another forum I think that would be very beneficial in conjunction with this positive-self growth forum is: http://p104.ezboard.com/bparallelperception

I wish you the best. The more people that wake up to betterment of the self make it easier for the next person to, adding yet more medicine to the whole of human conciousness.

Thanks Luminous,

Matt

Hello Luminos,

I too can relate to where you are at. I have known all my life that my reason for being here would be to help others in a spiritual way, yet I have run from it all my life too. I wanted to do all sorts of things for myself, but I've always come back to my spiritual work. It is only now that I have come to realise I was chosen to be a shaman, but I wasn't ready to accept it. I did run away, quite literally. I traveled all over Australia to run away and to learn more at the same time.

I am 40 now and finally at a place in my life where I can accept this is my path and move on with it, not fearing it. It is a huge undertaking to walk this path. I think we are right to fear it before we are ready to walk it. I know that had I done this even only a few years ago, I would have gone insane. I just was not at the right place emotionally or mentally to deal with it. The spirits have been patient with me. They understood better than I the importance to be ready. I understand now what it is I am taking on and I am actively seeking it, but only because I ran from it for so long.

There is no hurry to be somewhere. You have your whole life to travel this path, only go as far and as fast as you are comfortable with. When you are ready, move on then. The spirits have waited all this time, they will wait longer for you.

I will share with you something I only recently understood. I have always been in a hurry to do things. I decide I want to learn something new and I want to learn it all yesterday. I am always in a hurry to reach the destination, I never actually stop to notice the journey along the way. Then I realised there is no destination. There is only the journey. If I am meant to study counselling (which I will be doing) there is no hurry to start. I can start tomorrow or next year. I always felt I had to have everything done before a certain date or it would all be too late, but I never knew what the date was or why it would all be too late. Now I know this is only my own ego.

I truly believe everything happens exactly when it is meant to and not a moment before. So, there is no reason for me to rush. It will be in its own time. Since realising this, I have slowed down and allowed myself to enjoy each day just as it is. Each moment just as it is. I know I have a lot of work ahead of me. I know I need to meet a shaman in real life who will take me through some training, but I don't feel any hurry at all. It will just be when it is meant to.

I hope this helps you in some way.

Sage

Thanks a lot sashmanus for your concern and time. I know though somehow that if I am going to follow this path and I believe deep inside that I will follow it, it will be here in shamanscave.com

SageWhite!...your remarks were very emotive...waves of energy came suddenly lifting me up like I never expect it to happen. What you said the way you "spoke into me" was uplifting and healing and I would like to thank you very much for that.

You are very true about time and the way we (most humans) want to "spend" it. Your thoughts remind of the Indian perception about time. A Native Indian Mr. Lindeblad said "We are all a product of our time and the circumstances prevalent at the time."
For Native Americans, if I can explain it well with my english, the time is not deciding of what we will do...say...in 2 hours. Native Americans believe that every moment we should do what is more important to be done for that moment. And that "the more important" cannot be knowned until the time for that comes. For Native Americans "time" is a Presence, not a commodity to be sold.

Like you are, me also, I sometimes am in a hurry-not anxious-but in hurry to finish things and satiate emotions.

Fear...Fear...Fear......always that fear in front of us. Now it's time to face it for real.

Thanks a lot, your post were very helpful and supportive. Right now I feel sleepy (4:03 in the morning, Greek time). I will reply tomorrow with more details.

Grigoris

Grigoris,

I am so glad I was able to help in some way.

What you say about the Native Americans believing you can only know what is most important when the time comes, reminds me of all those scenes in movies where someone has planned an evening out for 3 weeks time or whatever, then when the moment comes, suddenly there is an emergency and all plans change.

I think we do need to live more like that. To be part of this world, we do need to make plans. We need to be able to 'think ahead' so we can agree to events 'in the future', but we also must be flexible enough to be able to change those plans at the 'drop of a hat'.

I would like to hear more on this, please.

Sage

Hey,

Those are big questions you are facing and it's ok to be scared. Facing the unknown isn't an easy thing to do, especially when you are facing the unknown inside you... Anyway, what ever the direction you are going towards with your life, don't let fear make that choice for you.

Personally, I was very apprehensive about taking classes at first, because my self importance kept telling me not to, like it would hurt my pride if I didn't "figure it out all by myself" or something like that. Eventually I got over that, because I realized there's no point in reinventing the wheel. About help - you don't need to worry about the classes here, the help offered is of that kind which leaves it all up to you in the end. It's like the classes teach you what a hammer is (or how to build one) and how to use it and then you get to build your own house No one wants to rob you the joy and pain of discovery, those are your experiences.

Good luck,
k

I have read what you've said...I am happy to be here...I feel I am not ready to reply yet. I will wait for one more day and I'll check tomorrow's gifts for me...yes...I can now sense what tomorrow will be like...and I feel good about that...let's wait and see...gifts are packing now...maybe good, maybe bad, I cannot feel them clearly now, but at this point I ought it to my self to explore and find what they have to teach me...
(self healing)

Hi luminous .... gee u both have had a LOT on your plate ..moving is ALWAYS stressfull. I hope the fires in Greece are not affecting you too directly and personally ..Bush fire can be regenerative but it is a crime when it has been at the hands of arsonists ...my thoughts are with your country for a quick resolve to the problems that have ensued as a consequence of such a heinous act !....god I sound like a copy writer for CSI NY.

May I say that when I started working on my self through the Recap I was soooooo grateful for the help and support I received from the members of the cave chat . I must say that at the time there was the facility for me to express myself with a certain amount of"privacy" by that I mean that I was able to write to a list that was strictly moderated by people I had grown to trust and also the list was NOT in a public domain...hence I could start to broach very personal subjects with a certain degee of comfort and relative safety. Still very often I would skirt around my issues with the use of metaphor , story telling and the like ...these processes ALONE i found extreamly healing for my self

I understand that the cave live chat to be relatively private ....maybe when u can speak to Xney he is a person that can be trusted to point you in the right direction on many matters; but www protocol is I believe his ruling domain....so to speak.

But I digress. IF it is at ALL possible ...get to a point where you feel comfortable sharing openly ...when you do ur Life's recap in earnest... it will assist you. I promise this ...if you can be honest with your self you will in deed have the personal breakthroughs that you hunger for .... Sometimes sharing the journey with like minded sensitive ,caring individuals is the differance between ..sinking ,treading water, floating, swimming and finally boarding and being the captain of your own boat.
I know it did for me
love to your family
from
Angella

ps I did NOT mean to imply that u have NOT been sharing sincerely but rather I am encouraging you to dig deeper when you are ready in an atmosphere that is um ....a tad more personal and possibly private ... ..if u get my drift ...You will be amongst caring people ..... there agian PRIVACY is my need maybe you are fine with sharing in a public forum such as this
in any event feel cared about
cheers

Hey Luminous,


Well, classes don't start for another couple weeks, so you have all that time to decide. It's really your choice alone. There is that fear, wether its fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of losing control, etc. But fear grows if it keeps getting fed. My life has not gotten easier in the least since I started taking classes here, but it has improved in so many ways for the Better, and in such a rapid manner. Through the classes and conversations w/ the teachers and the students, has helped immensely to Decide for Myself the life that I want to live along w/ the freed-up energy and skills necessary to live this life, which is beyond what I thought I was capable of, and what I was looking for all along.

Well, good luck either way you decide. I matched the fear of changing with the fear of not changing, and the latter proved to be more terrifying....

Ape

I've been thinking on this lately. The past 3½ years I am living with a person which is my other half. After the first minutes that we understood we have found each other we started to make our family together me and her, her and me (and maybe later will come one or more children). My partner is in a point in her life where she is moving forward with her self, riching particles inside her that will lead her in another level. As for me, I feel I have to dig deeper or see higher you can choose what you prefer inside me, for two major reasons, 1st I feel I want to move further with my self and discover him in every way I can and 2ndly, I feel I have to be close with my partner, discovering her, understanding her better...fellow-feeling is the right word here. And I feel that if I don't start soon, I will stay behind, watching her recede away.

Deep inside I feel that I want to rich the hidden...or...the forgotten me, while my soul is still vibrating from subtles energies around me. As the man gets older the shell gets harden...the childish innocent wide open eyes are gradually starting to close.
In every possible chance I have this urge to be in nature and let my self flow and be a part of this world, of this natural harmonical world of consistent living and dying. I stare at the trees, admiring their wisdom and silence, I feel that their lives are far more wiser and complete than any other creature on this planet. Many times I have the urge to hag trees, kiss them, cry with them and try to feel them...At this point in my life I believe that I am in the right place with the right people (you all) and that the only barrier in front of me is my fear(s).


I don't mind sharing openly, in fact some times I am more open in various matters and maybe some people feel freighten and exposed.
All I have to do is to shearch and "walk" carefully each time, not to be in a hurry. And...then...after that, I know I can feel all that you have mentioned about sinking...swimming...boarding


Thanks for sharing your own experiences ape, they were also helpfull. Especially this:
Beyond my deepest fears, this is the most fearfull for me also....
Chrysalis is a wonderfull Greek word hri-sa-lis in Greek and it means the metamorphosis (another Greek word), transformation from one form of life being structure, to another...and thinking upon that...I feel...this is The reason, that we worth to live in this planet, until we transform to another energy (you may call it death).
The sincere man will walk through the clouds...silently...riching eternity at the last second of his life. Even if someone cannot face aaall these fears until the end...the journey it self is much educative.

...


How true these words of that Native American become...