Hi, I should first mention that I'm not going to be explaining everything you saw. I can't do that, not because I don't want to, but rather because I just don't have an extensive knowledge of the human lore surrounding what an elemental lord, minor elemental, or even archangel is. But, I do recognize that we can come across those kinds of manifestations of lore and interact with them. And, I want to validate what you experienced. It sounds like it was life-changing and very powerful for you. I also have to say, that, honestly, if you are channeling w/those elementals and gaining knowledge about them and from them, trust your own instincts over what *anyone* might tell you about them. Don't give away your personal power in that way. The worlds are infinitely vast, and shared/known human knowledge is very, very limited in those kinds of matters. Maybe another thing to keep in mind is that, often, entities will relate to you in ways you are already familiar... they can be aware of your history/knowledge/cultural upbringing/language usage... and use that to best interact with you. They can essentially follow along the same kinds of grooves/threads that you follow to better relate with you, if they want to. For instance, you believe in calling Earth the Great Mother... so it makes sense that you would hear them calling you 'child,' because it fits your worldview. So, too, receiving the instinctive push to spiral the knife in the water, possibly simulating a male/female impregnation construct and/or raising something like a cone of power, again maybe something similar in a tradition you might be familiar with. But, too, (speaking from my own experience) the experiences you have could also be wholly unfamiliar to you, too... like maybe take the puck you came across, as an example. Since you are still able to channel those entities, I would recommend using your connection with them to answer the questions you seek. Set an intent to find out what they call themselves and what they are known as, in the omniverse and/or to humans. Maybe ask for a clarification of what your agreement is with them, with regard to the channeling? What do they gain, what do you gain, from your connection? Another point, for your own personal growth... perhaps consider letting go of your tight attachment to your experiences and with those entities. I'm not saying stop channeling them, but rather, loosen your emotional attachment to them. It's pretty clear to me that your initial experience from 3 years ago affected you, and still affects you, emotionally, today. May I gently suggest that you consider that when you hold onto something very tightly with both hands, it makes it harder to accept something more that may come for you. In other words, by staying emotionally attached to your special experiences, you limit yourself by way of your expectations, knowledge, and the boundaries of possibility, etc. In our tradition, we loosen our grip on the attachment, of the emotional energy of our experiences, via the recapitulation exercise. Of course, you may have your own way of doing this, but you can find the maker tradition how-to about it here, if you're interested: https://www.shamanscave.com/self-healing/the-recapitulation Thank you for sharing your story. Perhaps you'll hear more from other makers about your questions. -Holly

Hi Northi and welcome, To add to what Belle has said, I would offer that you seek community at a LGBT center near you. You might find one at a local college/university, if your city doesn't have a center of its own. You may find it helpful to talk about your life and experience with others who are going through similar experiences as you. From the shamanic perspective, I would suggest committing time in places of nature. For instance, you could sit with your back against a big old tree. As you sit, think of the roots of the tree and how they go deep into the earth, connecting with everything... and think of how, as you sit, you are rooted into the earth, too. As you think on that, imagine how the roots of the tree intertwine with your own 'roots,' forming a connection between you two. Imagine you are breathing in the oxygen that the tree is producing, and notice how the tree is breathing in your expelled breath, as well. Rest softly in that connection with the spirit of that tree and notice any images/thoughts/sounds that comes to you in your quiet reflection. Maybe something will come, or maybe you'll just find yourself resting in communion with the tree... whatever happens, just sit with that in a state of acceptance, just as the tree sits in a state of acceptance with you. Do that practice as you can, and see how it goes for you, in time. Another thing I could suggest about becoming happier is for you to deeply examine how/why you are finding yourself unhappy... to discover and see the ways you bind yourself through certain behaviors and patterns in the way you move through your life. Shamanscave offers tools to begin this journey, but, as Belle said, this is something where we have to do it ourselves. We call this self-healing, and the recapitulation exercise is a core component of that. You can find the basic exercise here: https://www.shamanscave.com/self-healing/the-recapitulation Shamanscave also offers an 8-week online recapitulation class where we meet once a week at a designated time in a forum atmosphere. I believe the next session should start sometime in late-June, if you're interested. Here's the sign-up link for that: https://www.shamanscave.com/classes/online-classes/beginner-class-recap-1-detail -Holly

Welcome, Weary Traveler.