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Has anyone else had experiences with spirit spouses?


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Just curious if anyone else had had experiences with spirit spouses?    If you are unaware what they are wikipedia has a definition  and after searching the web I have read mixed reviews.

I started having spirit spouses travel to me and reach me and it was without trying to ask for this.   I had both beautiful experiences but also negative as well and went through a time of deep prayer and trying to cut cords just to find myself again.

I found myself in love from some of the other worldly experiences with people that were actually still alive that were reaching me.  Complete with spirit sex I did not ask for an could feel myself being penetrated and taken to orgasm even and I would not have to touch myself to feel the spirit sex.   Its somewhat concerning because it became a war of other conflicting spouses and the ones that were dear to me in some ways had not always been perfect to me in my life but other beings warred them in ways and it became a very painful experience to the point I thought it was better to just be alone an not have these experiences unless they brought love and light into my life and helpful assistance.    They still would reach me, travel or insist at times "You are my wife"

I have read the countless experiences of people renouncing these experiences and trying to get freedom.   I have tried both engaging with them and renouncing.    It was not all sex it was also encouragement or love and at other times manipulation after a war of different partners came into play.   How supernatural it became.   My life became life a sci fi movie.  

Also it was very difficult because I was told two of them were soul mates to me in a way and they would arrive after one or the other arrived and we even experienced group love.   It was very painful though in ways because one of these people I dated in my life and moved on because it was not a healthy relationship until I started waking up and it was like his ghost was in my bed.   I would feel a cord in my energy body and be able to engage with the cord and get guided messages from him.   It made it more difficult to walk away from the relationship in waking life and he showed no further interest in me so I decided to be healthy and move on yet his spirit still shows up.

I have spent much time in prayer over these spouses.   The issues started after other beings arrived that warred my other mates and manipulation came into play.  Told my natural mates had been given certain contracts by a being that was of higher power with myself that had a certain agenda and then things did not feel as honest with my mates as if they could not communicate the same.   

Also I do understand there are mixed opinions on the internet about these beings.    I have read they may be imposter spirits pretending to be someone you know in real life.   What is others opinions on this.

I do try and test on the spirits myself and I have lost so much hope and faith from this experience because it was tremendous and they started visiting before I knew what they were after I had an iniation where I sent to other realities and worlds as well as given medicine names by the spirit world of traveling spirits/beings and as well as an ancestor I saw in an NDE.

 

I just am feeling discouraged.  I went through a shamanic crisis and breakdown and returned from that and its all been very heartwrenching.  I just wish I could trust my guides and it made me question everything I believe in and worry often about the afterlife even after visits to a heaven of sorts which I ended up in a great grandfathers house unless I traveled there near dead on the earth and also underworld type experiences.   Something has got to give already.      

I need to know what the point of this is and my path with clarity. 

 

I have tried breaking free from them but at times of severe depression also noting they arrive without me calling at times and add comfort because someone is there.  I have received even poetry and energy massages amongst other things.  

Any advice or other people that have had these experiences.  They can be very heartbreaking if you actually fall in love because of the otherworldly experiences and then a war comes into play or something you do not desire.  

Simply walking away was not an option because they still arrive or a cord will present itself even if I have tried to cut cords of communication and then feeling the spirit all over me or around me with communication, vision or sex.  The sex stopped after the war due to me not even trying to engage due to not wanting to deal with a war or deception.  Even though at one point it was almost angelic complete with otherworldly visions of flowers blooming during orgasm or orgasms that felt like it was heaven almost.     I also experienced the darker side as well in ways when the war came into play of different beings with different opinions.  Some very well known beings even as guides or warring. 

Edited by Wildflower
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5 hours ago, Wildflower said:

  I just wish I could trust my guides and it made me question everything I believe in

How about trusting yourself, for a change, instead of what these entities are telling you? 
 

5 hours ago, Wildflower said:

Simply walking away was not an option

It is an option, actually. I’ve read a few of your other posts here and I’m wondering when you’re going to sit in the driver’s seat and take control, and stop giving away your energy all willy nilly.

 

5 hours ago, Wildflower said:

Something has got to give already.      

I need to know what the point of this is and my path with clarity. 

No one here is going to tell you what your path is, because ultimately that’s up for you to decide. But there are tools that can help with self-healing. I think someone mentioned the Recapitulation exercise to you, it will disentangle and break those chords or connections as well as help you gain clarity about those connections (like why you agree to them in the first place). In the exercise it talks of compiling a list of people or events to recap, but you can do it with these entities or “spirit spouses” and the events around that instead. 
https://www.shamanscave.com/self-healing/the-recapitulation

This is an article on recapping sexual experiences. Regardless of whether they’re in the flesh or spirit or dreamland you can recap those encounters. 

https://www.shamanscave.com/self-healing/recapitulation-and-sexual-energy

Here are some excerpts from the first article on the basic recap exercise: 

“The physical process is simple and is as follows: You can make a list - of people, experiences, life events - and follow it, not a bad idea actually, or pick a time period of your life that you are going to recap.  The technique is very simple.  Begin by arranging some time that you won't likely be disturbed.  You will need a space that compresses your energy.  A closet would do, or even putting a heavy blanket over you will work as well.  Quiet your mind and relax, setting the intent to retrieve your energy trapped in your past.  Bring up a specific memory or event.  Get it pictured right in front of your face in as much detail as possible.  (Colors, sounds, smells, people involved, etc.) Turn your head to the left and exhale, then slowly turn your head from left to right drawing in the energy of the scene in front of you with your breath (inhale).  When your head is completely to the right again, turn slowly back to the left exhaling the foreign energy (that which is not yours) that exists from the scene.  Keep sweeping the scene until you feel 'done' with it.  Go on to the next event on your list, or that comes to mind, and keep doing this until you have worked through each one.  Be aware of what you are doing and stay focused.  If you're just starting the recap, I would suggest fifteen to twenty minutes a day just to start out, give it two weeks, then take stock of where you are.“

Now, you may ask, 'Why the recap and not (fill in practice of your choice)?'  The reason the recap works when many other things only appear to work is twofold.  One, it is a real physical/energetic connection in your energy - it is a physical act through your energy, and because of that it involves you completely in the process.  Two, the recapitulation demands that you work at the process of first, self healing and then movement beyond healing into the shamanic.   You can't just say you recap and expect everything to be 'all wonderful and stuff'. You can't just say, "I forgive X for dumping crap in my life," and expect it to work either; there must be a physical and energetic breaking of those connections.  This is real, not illusory in terms of changes.” 

Goodluck, wildflower. 
 

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16 hours ago, cammie said:

How about trusting yourself, for a change, instead of what these entities are telling you? 
 

"It is an option, actually. I’ve read a few of your other posts here and I’m wondering when you’re going to sit in the driver’s seat and take control, and stop giving away your energy all willy nilly."

 

REPLY:

I was once that person that could do that until something happened to my energy body.   During my experiences at one point I went into convulsions and had something that felt like a stroke/seizure- I went to an underworld of sorts and then had beings of light appear and bring me back into this world and help me with healing around me.    After that experience though my energy body felt "fried".   I shook for a month and had side effects that were lasting were my body was bent somewhat and hands shaking and turned inwards as if I had some kind electrical experience through a health condition in my iniation.   It was so severe before I came back to even thinking clearing I thought I had been struck by something but it actually was something within myself I believe now.    After that my energy body was able to be tapped into by  many cords and I tried everything I knew to to try and could not push them outwards as I would have been able to in the past.   I was attacked also by beings that would suck and take my life force it seemed and helped by beings of light.  My own energy body which once felt strong and able to push anything away from me seemed to be broken in some way .  I would have cords reach the crown of my head including a deceased ancestor that I could not get to let go of me.   When I pleaded and demanded and pushed he had told me at one point "you need extra eyes and he was there for that"-   Yet our views were different often as well as in life and he became a domineering being to me and other times a comfort.    I could enter into the cords I could feel reaching me and draining me and channel them complete with tonal changes of even men as a woman and some reaching from even Africa.   It was all very bizarre.  I am tired and often do not even know if I am going to live.  It seems I have some sort of health condition with this entire experience that has weakened me and I am still trying to discover that it is.     

 

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No one here is going to tell you what your path is, because ultimately that’s up for you to decide. But there are tools that can help with self-healing. I think someone mentioned the Recapitulation exercise to you, it will disentangle and break those chords or connections as well as help you gain clarity about those connections (like why you agree to them in the first place). In the exercise it talks of compiling a list of people or events to recap, but you can do it with these entities or “spirit spouses” and the events around that instead. 
https://www.shamanscave.com/self-healing/the-recapitulation

This is an article on recapping sexual experiences. Regardless of whether they’re in the flesh or spirit or dreamland you can recap those encounters. 

https://www.shamanscave.com/self-healing/recapitulation-and-sexual-energy

Here are some excerpts from the first article on the basic recap exercise: 

“The physical process is simple and is as follows: You can make a list - of people, experiences, life events - and follow it, not a bad idea actually, or pick a time period of your life that you are going to recap.  The technique is very simple.  Begin by arranging some time that you won't likely be disturbed.  You will need a space that compresses your energy.  A closet would do, or even putting a heavy blanket over you will work as well.  Quiet your mind and relax, setting the intent to retrieve your energy trapped in your past.  Bring up a specific memory or event.  Get it pictured right in front of your face in as much detail as possible.  (Colors, sounds, smells, people involved, etc.) Turn your head to the left and exhale, then slowly turn your head from left to right drawing in the energy of the scene in front of you with your breath (inhale).  When your head is completely to the right again, turn slowly back to the left exhaling the foreign energy (that which is not yours) that exists from the scene.  Keep sweeping the scene until you feel 'done' with it.  Go on to the next event on your list, or that comes to mind, and keep doing this until you have worked through each one.  Be aware of what you are doing and stay focused.  If you're just starting the recap, I would suggest fifteen to twenty minutes a day just to start out, give it two weeks, then take stock of where you are.“

Now, you may ask, 'Why the recap and not (fill in practice of your choice)?'  The reason the recap works when many other things only appear to work is twofold.  One, it is a real physical/energetic connection in your energy - it is a physical act through your energy, and because of that it involves you completely in the process.  Two, the recapitulation demands that you work at the process of first, self healing and then movement beyond healing into the shamanic.   You can't just say you recap and expect everything to be 'all wonderful and stuff'. You can't just say, "I forgive X for dumping crap in my life," and expect it to work either; there must be a physical and energetic breaking of those connections.  This is real, not illusory in terms of changes.” 

Goodluck, wildflower. "

I will try these exercises more and thank you again for responding!   Thank You very much for taking the time to respond to me.   I am very tired and this entire experience has become beyond something you would see in sci fi movie.   I have had beautiful experiences as well.   Just I am pretty much exhausted.

 

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I apologize I had some issues having the reply quoted in the last posting.  I replied and possibly was quoted in her quote as replying.   I am not super internet savvy and I am tired right now.    If it irritates people just delete my replies.   Sorry I am battling a health condition right now and foggy and tired.

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Hiya wildflower,

It sounds like your experience are very vivid and intense. Being able to relate to the energy of yr posts, i wanted to suggest intending on boundaries and centering- solar plexus stuff. If you dont already. Boundaries within yourself and anywhere you need it. Feeling for that energy within you and push it out and create the exact perimeters that give you the space to sit in your center. You jusf need to be consistent w it and 'resourceful'- move in new ways when you need to. I would also suggest something else i do, 'zipping up' all of the 'unzipped' parts of my energy.

You are not alone in this. I know what its like to feel like the whole world is completwly terrifying and dangerous and we 'cant' at it. What i have learned  is that i can trust my agency and make the choices that are leading to my hearts true desires. you just have to dive in and go for what your energy is leading you to even if it means making a fool if yourself and seeing your true self that intimidates the ego. Nature is predatory *and* we can learn to move with that.

Oftenfor powerful ppl energetically inclined in the west, the absence of spiritual values in the 'western paradigm' makes it hard to find guidance or community and our lives wind up being chaotic whirlwinds of untamed personal power. Lol. A lot of us wind up homeless, running away from ourselves perpetually and/or institutionalized bc of the lack of guidance given. I met many ppl in psych hospitals through my 20s that i recognized as 'shamanic' (ofc without recognizing it in myself). Those places really stripped me of my sense of agency tbh. It is what it is for us though. When there is a window tho i say jump thru it and see what happens .

Lastly please dont look stuff up on wiki girl, i umderstand the temptation but ultimately others 'definitions'/interpretations blindly filtered by stagnant emotional emergy trap us and make it harder to move.  we dont need the model set for us about how things are supposed to look. why not find your own answers within your own personal truth? You already know you have all the answers in your heart.

have you given consideration to taking a class here, if yourr able to? I believe the next session is a few weeks from now so youd have time to meditate on it.

<3

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Thanks for the reply.   I have considered taking classes.  I do not know if my mind is quite ready for that yet.  Not just making excuses.  I am healing and coming back from a shamanic break and crisis and I find myself very foggy and tired at times unable to retrain information.   Also It was very bizarre after my father passed shortly after that I started feeling him around me and smelling roses, I would feel him hiking with me after in his life he lost his legs and his energy coming through my own, eventually he became attached to what it felt like the crown of my head often as well as cords through my body and this eventually started to manifest it felt like as a cancer feeling illness.  It sounds bizarre but after I had the seizure/stroke thing and came back from that underworld and light experience beings could enter my field more easily and I would have to spend more time in prayer and clearing until I started just feeling powerless and angry.   

I went from being thrilled that my father was with me to honestly being furious with him for not leaving.    I also had some negative experiences with a being that identified as Christ.   I had positive ones as well but found myself feeling powerless do to this due to at times being told my contracts could be taken away.  He actually came after the spirit spouses as a spouse as well after I had been given rings by other spirit spouses in spirit in visions and he also did this.  But warred some of the other lovers as well as my freedom, my tribe and my belief system of what good is- I was actually called at one point Christ Sacagawea and explained it became a war involving patriarchy which frightened m e.    I desired it after reading on spirit spouses that possibly to be an imposter jesus.  But this being could also work magical healing experiences, incredible visions and unfortunately I believe it was him.  But it was upsetting because of the negative side of a tribe being ruined, being given gifts or losing all power and taken to almost death and being kept alive, horrible lies.    I still desire this at times to be an imposter Christ because it broke my heart and made me angry and I need my health back,.   It made me feel powerless bc he does not just heal me and has looped me around in the past.   I just did not think he would became this way.    I am not against Christ.    After meeting this being I was told to "tell people you are in a sacred sect with Christ and Mary Magdalene.  "   The issue was my path was native american and feminine prior but also including him but I did not care for the dogma of that religion much and rather than being set free as I had hoped I had been called Christ Sacagawea by the spirit world and beings around me and it became a patriarchal marriage of sorts that felt abusive at times because I would be very broken if not doing what he desired.   It was like living in a cage marriage at times and him even expressing when I was on the road due to being a woman he did not like me talking to men even as just a person in passing speaking and he believed the man should talk for the woman in travel like that.  I lived on the road since I was 18 and backpacked or traveled every state but Alaska.  As well as one year solo as a woman outside by choice traveling and in nature.   Its sound too supernatural I know that these things could happen but it did with the spirit spouses complete with Christ arriving as a partner and spouse and I just wish it were an imposter Jesus.   Expressed to at times by beings that it was a war on a goddess and also the hopi prophecy.   

I was offered contracts throughout my iniation  and he also expressed he could take my contracts away and did and it felt like my personal power and decisions could also be taken away.  I was not living a bad life is the thing.  I just was taken from my personal path and power away often .   I was not being stubborn with him but this being actually was using up my energy at times as well looping me around and I worried it was a war as stated before with patriarchy against the previous movement I was apart of and I felt as a woman I had been very abused and beaten down for also being a woman.   It was expressed to me he actually warred one of the my natural spouses that I was seeing the flowers bloom and had spirit children with and it was painful because he was vicious about it in a way and rude.  It may be due to the other man being in waking life not of that path which was Christianity and it all became scary.  I was not against Christ myself.    I actually had left the religion as well though when it was not healthy for me and moved towards divine feminine as well as native american beliefs...

I do not know what to do....   The issue is I feel like I lost my personal power and possibly he choosing what happens.  People would just trust in that until they saw what happened to me.   I had beings reaching me with cords to channel telling me it was a war on the hopi prophecy, african americans and women from what happened with him. (btw I am not racist)  I do not know if that is valid thats the war.  I will say what I experienced with this being was incredible power, healing abilities, and wonderful experiences but also very manipualtive, abusive and scary experiences to the point I lost hope and faith in something higher truly helping me free of manipulation for what was going on in some strange war I found myself in the middle of that I did not desire being in to begin with.  

As stated before I still have my father clinging to me and I request often to even Christ to remove these cords or people/sickness draining me and it does not happen.  Its almost like its some sort of thing that has been assigned to me or ... I do not even want to say it.   Its been awful.

It is also awful because I could listen to people tell me Christ would never do these things.  If it is not Christ doing it it is an imposter spirit spouse of him that heals, has power, can withdraw contracts, can control and loop, and I worry daily about what happens when we die now.  I think I will be just going to sleep and not waking up.   The being told me even though years ago I had a NDE heaven experience that I may or may not be there possibly due to something that happened to me but if there was a way to make me there I would be there... So I wonder if I was actually struck and if my soul could have been harmed in this whole thing and was a mistake.   Its just all disheartening. I cannot feel myself as I once could.     Whomever the being was was so powerful to deter mates even he expressed he would have this certain woman hold space for me but also allow her to take much of my energy but she would deter the other mates (and I would feel her energy often around me) and to upset me was very rude about it in a scary way.   Prior to meeting him I had been working with a goddess being that arrived after my near death experience that was a woman who helped me often and I did not have experiences with her like I was having after he arrived.  I had beautiful experiences prior and after I had some beautiful but many painful and just manipulative to  break me down it seemed at times.   Feeling broken hearted.  Please do not think I am just some brat complaining about Christ- it was the severe rude side he had in a war that disheartened me and feeling as though I was getting looped around to use up my energy and I did not think Christ would behave that way.    Whomever being is behaves poorly or wonderfully.  Possibly he made mistakes himself during a very intense iniation that they expressed to me was the largest in history complete with being more tortured than many on the planet in history during this entire process.   I just do not want sound crazy.  I actually had the experiences with many beings and miracles to tragedies to a full blown war.   

I just want to be on the side of good myself.  But I know what I believe in to be good and its equality as well when gender comes into play.

To sum this up I do not know how much personal power I have because of what happened to me.   It was expressed to me at different he was ruling me and then other times it was voted I suppose in spirit that he was ruled against for his behaviors in certain areas.    But I had after his arrival the marriages of the males war and try to RULE me.  Until I felt like nothing but a game piece at times.

I have tried renouncing them and cutting cords.  I just want honest answers and direct answers about what happened to me from the beings that do communicate that are of pure light source I do hope of good and love.  I am tired and enough it enough.  I had different men grabbing the crown of my head with cords wrapping around me during the war in the spirit world and phrases would come through like "whos are you then"...   "why couldn't you just take me on" and it was not just that.. it was not Heaven versus Hell..  once I thought the idea of hell even was absurd.  Now I do not even know what I believe. 

I also get messages from spirit beings such as "try iboga and you will see heaven"- interestingly enough I had never heard of it so I googled it and discovered it was an African plant.  (not ready for that after my shamanic crisis and breakdown that I returned from)

I was on a native path that embraced all good paths and my own path prior and still had positive NDES and spiritual help prior to all of this.  I have no idea.  My life feels like a sci fi movie meets I will lose all clout if I talk of these things to many people and religious aspect of it all very scary when I did not follow paths that brought that kind of dogma and fear in certain ways.    What do I do?   I do not know myself.  Understand these patriarchal beings seem at times to be allowed to RULE me.   It was just against everything I believed to be good and true once..   This is why I am struggling with regaining and taking my own power back.  I do not know if I am permitted to do everything others are due to what happened to me and even being called Christ Sacagawea by beings in the spirit world.

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Silence seeker this what was most difficult for me.  I knew my energy very clearly and after the experiences and so many trying to not only bombard my energy field I could not feel myself the same.   What they also did during this time was take someone elses energy and told me they are using it a space holder basically and I could only feel her energy around me as if I had been replaced and it was not feeling like a natural space holder as I had felt before.   She was used to my understanding to repel others that came in my iniation because she was not a soul mate to them- which this was not fair to her either.  It caused alot of discord.  I felt as though I had lost my own soul at times and could only feel her energy and mine was missing. (so it was like my natural guides and soul friends had been replaced and repelled by a different soul/energy)  I asked the beings about this including Christ and it was explained to me well you will be in the afterlife then if she is.. basically saying if she can be in you now you could be somewhere else or just weakened or?  But it caused some major issues for me because I could not feel myself the same anymore and it was if if something with more power took her being and used it during a war and my being had lost her voice to choose or had been harmed in the iniation.  I wonder often what I even am if this happened to me.  Can anyone tell me that is a shaman on this board if I still am even myself and have my own soul or could it have been eaten by many with cords or destroyed and then this other person used just to war the natural tribe which I was told was of the Hopi prophecy  and possibly it became a war with Christianity.  It scares me.   My own energy body felt as though it could moved and someone elses could be places there so my natural guides did not reach me or something?

 

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These patriarchal beings that got involved became very manipulative at times and it scared me because it was not my belief system.    Even looping me around in circles with guidance and then false truths possibly so I did not trust my own anymore and became very weak.    I was told it was a patriarchal war that was happening in the spirit world and certain patriarchs desired to not lose their subservients .   

 

I was taken from a beautiful path once where I was given a native type medicine name in a near death experience to being caught in a war with religious ideas that frightened me and the beings had much power.  I do not know if they gained that power through weakening me.  I am just tired.  It all sounds unbelievable but I was experiencing and living between worlds basically and getting full communications as stated complete with tonal changes to a male tone when channeling if a cord presented it self and visions.  

 

I just desire to be on a path of equality, peace, love and light.  I thought Christ was that in his path as well but it was expressed to me at times he desired to rule me and it would have been possibly fine if it was not a war on women as it was and it was and well as myself, my guides, my mates and and entire tribe at one point that was a freedom tribe with the mantra Rise Up

 

Also him doing this did not stop interaction entirely with different people astral traveling to me for whatever reason.  I do not desire the spouses if they are evil of course ever.  It just became a war of different beings and I ended up feeling like a game piece.   I did not know whom to even call on and then my personal self had felt lost in the middle of it all and I was called Christ Sacagawea at many times.    

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1 hour ago, Wildflower said:

 Can anyone tell me that is a shaman on this board if I still am even myself and have my own soul or could it have been eaten by many with cords or destroyed and then this other person used just to war the natural tribe which I was told was of the Hopi prophecy  and possibly it became a war with Christianity.  It scares me.   My own energy body felt as though it could moved and someone elses could be places there so my natural guides did not reach me or something?

 

You absolutely do have your own soul (core) still, that cannot be taken - ever. Others can try to convince you otherwise in order to manipulate you but they do not have that power, no one does. You can demand to take it back, all the energy that you have given them. It's hard to acknowledge sometimes that we have turned over our own energy to others in an agreement of sorts, even though it can feel like they've taken it from us against our will. At some point, we 'agree,' it could be that we convince ourselves we are not worthy or many other scenarios.  But the truth is, we all have our  own 'two square feet of ground' that is ours and ours alone in life that was parceled out to us at birth into this world. You can demand they return what they've taken from you - you can use anger to get them to go away. Scream at them, tell them to f&#*k off, leave you alone and MEAN IT.  Anger can be a great tool.

This is why we keep harping on the recap and recovering your energy, it helps you understand what is yours and what isn't and what your core is made up of. It's not quick and it's not easy but it does WORK.

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14 minutes ago, silenceseeker said:

You absolutely do have your own soul (core) still, that cannot be taken - ever. Others can try to convince you otherwise in order to manipulate you but they do not have that power, no one does. You can demand to take it back, all the energy that you have given them. It's hard to acknowledge sometimes that we have turned over our own energy to others in an agreement of sorts, even though it can feel like they've taken it from us against our will. At some point, we 'agree,' it could be that we convince ourselves we are not worthy or many other scenarios.  But the truth is, we all have our  own 'two square feet of ground' that is ours and ours alone in life that was parceled out to us at birth into this world. You can demand they return what they've taken from you - you can use anger to get them to go away. Scream at them, tell them to f&#*k off, leave you alone and MEAN IT.  Anger can be a great tool.

This is why we keep harping on the recap and recovering your energy, it helps you understand what is yours and what isn't and what your core is made up of. It's not quick and it's not easy but it does WORK.

 Thanks you.  This actually was very consoling and helpful feedback.    I could not understand why certain beings were trying to convince me I had been destroyed forever possibly then later telling me that was untrue and the endless looping.  Possibly to take away my own feeling of power or worth and it did this to me.   I later learned through the communication the beings would change stories saying it was possible for me to still be in a heaven and have a life after life when at other times they tried to make me think I was destroyed.. while at the same time blocking certain natural guides or spouses that came in my iniation and I just did not know what was true anymore.   I tried everything I knew to try.    

I do hope you are right rhough and my soul cannot be taken ever.   Religion scares me.  I was a spiritual person and the religion itself I hate to say it ended up trashing a woman that was a nice person and on a native and feminine  path with beautiful beings reaching me and healing me and then the spouses came later (which I was questionable about) but even then the experiences were positive complete with beautiful flowers blooming during orgasm and spirit children which I did not summon the spouses or even request such a thing.  I did keep prayer and pray just in case some foul play was at hand and have read many articles on how spirit spouses ruin peoples lives.  I just was not working with magics or conjuring any kind of spouse nor do so it felt unfair if I was being harmed for this.    

It was a patriarchal war possibly to make me doubt my own power even as a woman that was a warrior that lived outdoors for years by choice and later being given patriarchal messages about even this.   Yet with other guides, beings, prayer they never had a problem with any of these things...

 

Hopefully they were just trying to deceive to break me into nothing for some reason and doubt my own person which had a vision of equality, freedom, love, sustainability and off  grid living.   

It just terrified me because the religion became evil to me in its behavior yet I was once in love with Christ myself.    I started to wonder if there were older religions possibly Christianity and this one being were battling once again that were harmed or destroyed and they were equally valid?   It just scared me.....  Shook me to my core.   I am still going through the battles daily and very gifted in some ways but in other ways as the shaman is taken to my very death and it may come to that.    I am battling with some health issues at the moment yet they shift with the spirit world and I can see how energies can manifest and cause certain energy sicknesses or pain.   I am hoping to release them all.

 

Anyways thank all of you for your responses!   I am just a seeker myself and hoping for some kind of answer of freedom and health and to make it through this and possibly become a healer myself.  Or at least have a life of peace.

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Yes well, religion can be a wonderful experience/entity to be part of but it can also be used to manipulate people to giving up their power, so you still need to understand your own energy to know when someone, even if the religion itself is good and helps people, if there are those within it misusing it,  then it can do a lot of damage to people.

8 minutes ago, Wildflower said:

 

I do hope you are right though and my soul cannot be taken ever.   

Hopefully they were just trying to deceive to break me into nothing for some reason and doubt my own person which had a vision of equality, freedom, love, sustainability and off  grid living.   

 

Why not give it a try?  Take your energy back, demand they leave you alone and see how you feel down the road a bit from now. If they are truly a loving, giving religion, they will understand and support you.

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Well I should say that "was" vision of life.. now I am more tired and just I am happy if I make it through the day.   But I appreciate your reply and it really helped me feel like hope was there and possibly I was a really beautiful strong independent woman that lived on the road.  I was a bit of of wounded warrior and kept to myself in certain ways but I loved nature, freedom, and travel.  I lived on the road as I said for many years and since then have been somewhat forced away from that path.. Now is a time of resting.  

I do hope you are right!  What a relief it would be to find out I had just been harmed by a religion and had not lost myself and my beliefs entirely..   I was open to change.  It was just the changes that were asked of me  a bit not only ridiculous but heartbreaking/frustrating over gender.   If it were not for the manipulation with the being I would have understood possibly I had to make more sacrifices for the path I was called to to gain different gifts and help.   It was just all very manipulative and heartbreaking.   Endless looping and a war with different beings... put down for being a woman.   Some of the beings that presented themselvesd  told me it was a war against the goddess... yet whom the goddess is I do not even know.  Possibly this being that was helping me that presented herself when I called in desperation on everything I ever knew or heard of from Christ to Kali...   a goddess did come or woman being to help me when I was desperate and in iniation..

many moths later a being named Christ came..

I eventually felt I needed to run from every religion I ever heard of just to feel safe and call on whomever would listen of love and light and kindred spirit that would help and teach me the truth...

Still a seeker...

Also do understand I was told Christ was being ruled against for some of the behaviors and I might be freed to another "sect"..   not saying that would be against him.. just not a wife of his if he was going to control, dominate and harm me so.    I fell in love with the man in ways which was the issue yet as said they will "use evil for good"   I was horribly lied to at times possibly and even given a vision of him curling up to me in protection to me in ways as snake to others and in ways myself but not biting me symbolizing to myself at the time he was not able to be honest... Yet keep in mind it was not an imposter Jesus to me due to this beings healing abilties and other visions (feeling threatened ill be harmed for saying even this-because it happened)   Some very manipulative things also happened.    Later other beings contacted me even from Africa saying it was a war against not only black people but women?!!?   I have to question what is my role in this and what am I supposed to do?

I did have a child of spirit with him as well/spirit child as well as other spouses prior without requesting spirit children.  They came from the spirit spouse sex that was happening without me asking for it even and the unions of souls meeting through orgasm and seeing flowers bloom or children created.   Some of my spirit children I saw in visions with crucified hands.  Or myself with crucified hands as well..     

The issue also was I was a woman warrior that did not really desire children any longer and I did not know why they came and I had guilt for this and did not know what I should do.   They would appear to me as beings of white light or in visions.  

I just felt as though I had been taken into all of this and did not know what to do anymore....

They kept referring to me as Christ Sacagawea.  I worried often if my soul had been destroyed by his even in a jealous rage against another spirit spouse whom was a husband or angry at me.    Then the "other woman" was placed to hold space to repel the traveling mates and I could not feel myself the same.   It was all very frightening.   I was given many gifts from energy healings, to the ability to channel, the ability to see spirit animals etc etc..   Yet my own power felt lost after the patriarchal kings became what I was told "ruling me" yet I also was told by beings they had possibly been ruled against in a voting and I may be freed to another sect. 

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I apologize for the long winded rants.   I could write my story for days to tell you the truth.   I am just tired and it was too supernatural to relate to many and then the war left me feeling that lost and wondering even if I was gone forever... yet I am still here.

 

Anyways thank you all for your replies and care!

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Thanks for saying that.   I appreciate there being a space somewhere for that.   It can be so isolating in a world where you have experiences like these happen and the only option in the world of the normality of even the madness of the world your experiences sound like insanity.   

It drove me into a hospital after going through a crisis and not knowing where to turn.  In my states of breakdown I humiliated myself socially with stories of experiencing other realities other than living in a world that was more tribal with medicine men and women to possibly guide me and help.   

My life felt like a science fiction movie, meets terror, laced with gifts and beauty.

I still struggle with what it is I am supposed to be doing to regain my health.  Like is this all one big test and where do I even turn with the depression I have been dealing with.  If I dare talk about the shamanic aspect of things even in a treatment center I am getting medicated horribly and it does not stop the situation.   I tried to seek out healing centers for people like myself and could not find any.  I looked into dr assisted suicide only to be discouraged by family it was not an option..  I went into a very expensive treatment center only to find the groups to be very remedial and not helpful and basically paying to incarcerate myself.    I left shortly after and took myself to sedona.

In Sedona I just found myself living in a hotel room trying to make sense of my life during covid and isolated.  I did feel healing heat again and again there reaching the crown of my head where I was having some issues which was encouraging.

The shamans there looked like something out of a magazine and I felt a bit discouraged and they were pricey.  But possibly they would have been able to have helped me greatly and are wonderful beautiful people.    I do not know.   

I also often wonder if larger beings are in rule and I am simply supposed to pray for healing and help and I do that to all that is of the light and good.

It scared me about some kind of spiritual war being at play and myself being powerless possibly to rulers of some kind unless they were all loving and light and totally righteous.   I was not a religious person and I found religion often legalistic and scary in the texts that I read.   The native spiritual path and shamanic readings I found alot of beauty in but I also feel fear of ever tredging the wrong path.  Once I just believed in the greater good for each and every person and that light would come through.   

Where do these dark beings and entities even come from I must ask and why would they even exist.

I watched horseboy recently on the shamanic path of that family and how the mother they said had a manic depressive ancestor somehow attached to the family.    It made me wonder because after the passing of my father whom was hospitalized himself I started having many of these experiences and feeling him around me..... at first it was positive but over time it was as if he would not let go.    Are there any sure ways other than the excercises on this site to keep people on the other side away from you that you do not desire visiting all the time?    

I was able to ask some of these beings that visited questions but after the war of whatever was happening it felt like they would give me false answers to make me doubt possibly the ones that came with genuine answers as my guides.  

People talk about spirit guides but I had a direct line of communication that was both visual and physical but it also nearly destroyed my life.    

I am recovering now.   If there was a healing center for people like myself with shamans that worked with you and you lived there similar to an ashram I would even go in a heartbeat just to see if it would be of some help.

I lived through so much trauma and terror it was like my body was literally screaming.   I went through a sexual assault and other assaults as well and had the energy that shoots from your spine to your head happen to me complete with uncontrollable channeling come through my mouth to save my life from those that were harming me.    

After that and a NDE where I felt I left my body and was given a medicine name it was like I was living between or communication from the worlds often.   I just wish it had all been positive and beauty.    

Any others experience also the sheer terror of it all or disappointment as well as the other side which was the gifts and the light.

If this was the walk of the mystic or the shaman it sure has been terrifying in many ways and wounded.  Not something people should even go seek possibly unless they are called to do so I guess...  

Now I just try and appreciate what is good in my normal everyday life and keep my sanity as well as focus on what good gifts have come out of it all.   I am not sure if there is something else I should be doing to move foward.  

Any insight from others if they can see something I am not aware of or receive guidance is welcome to write me.   Just trying to make it through this.

Thank everyone for your previous replies.

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Hi Wildflower,

You've already got excellent advice here but advice is just that, unless  we really have to roll up our sleeve and work. The problem sometimes is how we start and take them all in & apply them that can change our situation. You have a very fascinating story btw, a movie material but unfortunately we don't do healing like what movies portray or what Keanu Reeves did in the Constantine movie. I myself came here seeking for healing/truth and for most of us still a continuing journey, relentless search  and unceasing unfolding of the path we are called for. Your story, my story and other stories has our own individual meaning and thus its only us can know and reveal the hidden purpose of it.

And talking of purpose/Intent is for me your starting point. Know at your core why are you  here in this plane of existence. I can see your so open that is why you are experiencing other entities in other dimension. This is hard to take but somehow at some point before you experienced all of that, you agree at some level with them because nothing we will ever experience without our agreement. 

So to refresh other's advise ,since you need grounding, please do those exercise that has been told. And as I've said, reflect what is your purpose at the core. Maybe it conflicts to your human 'desires', of course we are humans we are not fall short of those. Sometimes, other entities will ride upon us when our desires are aligning with them. Desires are link to our past whether is a personal past or a common ancestral pasts.

And if you really want healing, I would recommend to take some of our basic classes, recap(basic self healing class), spiral(which is the basic class to know Intent), quicksilver(class to know basic handling of awareness and perception) and the dreaming class. These classes would help you immensely in your journey, it help you release and retrieve your energy,  it helps hone your perception(perception is what determines our purpose), then it helps clear out the debris of confusion thus you can somehow see your intent at your core. 

Again, your situation might not turn around overnight so that is why, you need patience. Patience for us human is a virtue, a love child of love and peace. Love is gain through conscious living in the light, peace is what we got when we know how to accept our identity/ our own truth. 

Belle

 

 

 

 

 

 

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