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Does someone have a tactic for this? (suddenly falling, old stuff appearing)


PeZetKa
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Hey @ll I really don't want to flood the forum here and I think I am going to withdraw a bit, since it is a small forum and few people are active here.

 

But one thing - which happened now and I realized how thin the line is to "fall" again. Perhaps someone has a "rescue" tactic for this and perhaps even knows the same thing and what is going on!

It is one of those things which made me feel ill and it was hard to believe "I can do it" "i can go through" - especially not feeling like a victim or mentally ill....

Actually I know I would have to take time, lay in bed, go deep, go into it. But I know this could lead to a long time confronting things and being not able to handle life for a while. So I always have to figure out how to deal with that. The first time I sank into it (retreat?my English is not so well) and didn't try to be strong and fight against it, I had my break down and was done for weeks.

How much do I miss a surrounding giving you time if these things have to be done.

 

OK:

I was a little bit off today (food is important, too much gluten can be fatal) and have this "syncro" thing from time to time. This time I saw something which I could have taken personal but it wasn't the syncro feeling really. But it was something which is a deep fear (it is a mental illness label I saw) "Shock" and old feelings appeared. And then I remember this ugly feeling I had for years again and again - more or less chronic... seldom heavy but sometimes very heavy. I know many people know this- especially while bad trips f.e. . And I know a couple of people which use this without fear and it is normal to them (Matrix topic guys, which think 90-98% don't have an soul and are NPC's). They even go into dissociation by will. (Writing this now already calms me down a bit)

 

This ugly feeling made me ending up feeling nothing, because I wanted to close everything back in the days.

 

OK I am open now here: It is the feeling which could be described as "paranoia". If something like this happens outside, it is the feeling that all the energy of the people is in your direction. "Watching" - strange and "threatening". Like you are in a Truman show. A Truman show wouldn't be that bad it there is no fear. And perhaps this is the only problem. And I can imagine very well how some people don't trust anyone any more due to this feeling.

 

If I consider that some people do this at will and have no fear, than I have to ask why some people can't handle this or are in fear or perhaps have old issues and trauma - which are like an "overlay" over the scenario - leading to wrong thoughts or reactions.

When I think about when it all began, I was overwhelmed with inner issues. The first time I had my breakdown due to all this, it made sense - was shown issues from childhood. Like it should happen to be able to heal.

I know dissociation because it is something like a chronic thing. A little bit is always there. This state which has been triggered now is something different. It must be an overlay. Hard to describe or separate.

 

And always since the beginning is one thing knocking at my door... it is like an inner monster. An issue I couldn't fix till today. Perhaps it is my shadow which has to be revealed finally. Or it is a self made entity from back in the day... or (I don't want to even look further! I had horrible things going on trying to confront and look at it. If I would be at a place where I don't disturb anyone... if I could scream... primal scream...)

 

I know there is something huge for me to confront. But it is so immense (I tried a couple of times) that I would have to have a real surrounding and a safe place....

 

I am not able to afford are long time "off".

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by PeZetKa
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Hi PeZetKa,

I've been reading your posts everywhere in the general forum and I totally enjoyed reading them. Some of us here responded to your post/s and some don't and for me personally I didn't reply  because what you were writing  did resonates to me, perhaps not exactly how you experience them but I totally understand, so to me there is nothing to talk about, you me and others here in the cave are on the same page.  

We experience oneness, we experience connectivity, we visited different dimensions, we explore different planets/ worlds and beyond. How did we get there? we waited until the time that our perception is ready to fly, our awareness expand, our energy is big enough, until we can see clearly and not muddled up to the seeming conflicting realities. We make sure that when we come back from the journey we can still function well in this earth dimension, live and act as normal, in short we know how to live two worlds at the same time. And our experience of the  oneness, the connections helps us live in a compassionate, kind and humble human being.

So what we did on that waiting period? you might ask, we heal ourselves. In the Maker tradition, self healing is our starting point. Why because we can't see the energy in its rawness until we remove the veils of illusions, to remove the mirage of our past that keep us blind, we can't experience the timelessness or eternity if we are chained by our past, we can't be in the flow of energy if we are so anchored by our attachment and our identity. 

That's perhaps the difference between our tradition to others, we don't induce with substance to fly into the unknown because we don't want to assault the logic and reason which is part and parcel of being humans. Self healing will give you the platform where you can stand, understand 'you' as human and that human has meaning and purpose while on earth and same time understand that 'you' is a 'being' that is connected to everything and to the 'One'

So another difference is the experience, when we experience the 'one' we immerse on it, its not just plain 'seeing' it. When we immerse, we take in its quality, its intelligence, understand its completeness. 

So the question, if one experience the 'One', why one will panic and fall into fear, when the 'One' is ALL encompassing? that's the difference between immersion and seeing. Another reason why one panic, is because the thread and the patterns of being unhealed human still hook you to the seeming predatory universe.

And that's the very reason why we advertise self healing.

Belle

 

 

 

 

 

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2 hours ago, Belle said:

We make sure that when we come back from the journey we can still function well in this earth dimension, live and act as normal, in short we know how to live two worlds at the same time. And our experience of the  oneness, the connections helps us live in a compassionate, kind and humble human being.

This is the key I was looking for! Now it makes sense why both kind of experiences. Thank you!

This made me ask the same question for a long time "am I a soul or is it an illusion of one". I didn't know how to identify back then. (Like in which direction can I align)

2 hours ago, Belle said:

How did we get there?

I was thrown a couple of times onto planets it wasn't at will. Perhaps unconscious will. (Shocked with logic and view of  life like you said. I was dreaming this world here from the other planet. This here was the dream)

2 hours ago, Belle said:

we waited until the time that our perception is ready to fly, our awareness expand, our energy is big enough, until we can see clearly and not muddled up to the seeming conflicting realities.

Sounds like you do this by will already and you are "cleared".

2 hours ago, Belle said:

So another difference is the experience, when we experience the 'one' we immerse on it, its not just plain 'seeing' it.

I don't know immersing yet, but more like itself becomes conscious within myself. But this is a thought I am careful because it sounds like above oneself. This is what I mean with hide and seek. It is always it.. But I keep it as a thought.

2 hours ago, Belle said:

So the question, if one experience the 'One', why one will panic and fall into fear, when the 'One' is ALL encompassing?

Ok you imply this paranoia feeling has this Kind of experience in the background somehow.

2 hours ago, Belle said:

Another reason why one panic, i

There a huge difference between the couple of " one" moments and those dissociations. There was no more fear... It was freedom.. Deep... Wide... Laughing about "Finding again". ("How could I forget").

Wonderful.

But the dissociation was another feeling. More like a field - but I take it as a hint that you mean it is the same, the connection, web of one if I understand you right.

Thank you very much.

 

I almost had  the feeling that I know where I belong to. I never knew what I should do here... For what I live

 

Edited by PeZetKa
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I just read again the whole writing on this thread and I realized my response is not addressing your post:), When I was writing my reply I was clear that it is what you need to hear.

5 hours ago, PeZetKa said:

I almost had  the feeling that I know where I belong to. I never knew what I should do here... For what I live

 

Well done.

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8 hours ago, Belle said:

I just read again the whole writing on this thread and I realized my response is not addressing your post:), When I was writing my reply I was clear that it is what you need to hear.

Perfect 🙂

8 hours ago, Belle said:

Well done.

....

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Hi PeZetka,

I've been reading your posts here too and have been following this wonderful conversation you and Belle are having and I admire how she is able to explain things to you I don't have anything to add except one thing: she is so right about why we "advertise" self-healing. 

I was telling someone I know a few months ago that they should try recapitulation. This person has been working with a therapist and meditation regularly, so in other words they are uncovering past trauma and then trying to calm themselves down...they are trying it now and are starting to experience what healing your energy means.  They have been trying it for almost two months, 20 minutes for 3-4 times a week, and they are beginning to experience why energetic healing has been the missing ingredient in their progress.

While meditation is *wonderful* it has many benefits and can take you far in the evolution of your awareness ( actually I used to meditate for 1-2 hours a day in my 20's), but it doesn't heal the wounds from the past that shape your life in the present. For example if you stop meditating even for a short while, all those negative feelings will come back.

This why Belle and makers in general  really advocate self-healing, an act of retrieving and healing your own energy. I believe if every human recapitulated, we would be in a very, very different reality.

I can see you are bent and you have very interesting energy patterns and I know if you tried to recapitulate your life would do a 180 change. Mine did. When you heal yourself the world around you changes. You are already strong in many ways- look at the advice you gave NiteKreature about life and staying alive. That was something special.

Imagine, to stand in a reality in your full power, where your past does not haunt you, where you don't react to the world but are able to act in the world instead... imagine standing in a position where you can truly be free to create your life in the Now. Please try it. If a class time/schedule or cost isn't possible for you, there are free articles on the shaman's cave website that can guide you.

All the best to you on your journey.

Eman

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1 hour ago, Eman said:

she is so right about why we "advertise" self-healing. 

I already booked the first recap course 1-2 days ago. 🙂

Made a decision... feels good.

1 hour ago, Eman said:

For example if you stop meditating even for a short while

I am not that meditating guy, because 3rd eye opens uncontrolled when I meditate (very often). It was too much to me in the past. If I am more familiar with things I would meditate again I guess. I tried to meditate and sending sexual energy upwards... I was living very close to a lay line... I would love to talk to someone who knows similar things and laughing until tears run how shocked we were in the beginning (I was not sooo shocked, but enough 😅). But I don't want to sound like a victim here - I try to make an adventure out of it.

1 hour ago, Eman said:

This why Belle and makers in general  really advocate self-healing, an act of retrieving and healing your own energy. I believe if every human recapitulated, we would be in a very, very different reality.

I am very curious! Hope class starts in November. Perhaps I try before the course starts.

1 hour ago, Eman said:

I can see you are bent

What do you mean by that? Energetically? Physical a bit yes - stiff neck and back and little bent forwards (but not that much. Some years ago I was bent VERY much..)

. Very interesting if you have seen the energy bent....

I am a little bit moved now that you had a look.

 

1 hour ago, Eman said:

Imagine, to stand in a reality in your full power, where your past does not haunt you, where you don't react to the world but are able to act in the world instead... imagine standing in a position where you can truly be free to create your life in the Now.

Great image... I had a taste of that - the thought of my disabled back and my look is something which gets me down again and again. But I would even start to see a chance/believe that it could get better after my 3rd eye healing experience. But somehow I know I should get into a position where I should want to be in "power" even if I am disabled. It could be the source of the change (of course it is... parts are falling in place now I feel somehow). Me personally I have no problem with it... but I realized how people react and edge off (if this is the right English). And it is like my "little little death" always telling me "I am there", because you never know what could happen with the back...

But I shouldn't calculate - because like he wrote on the homepage "your brain is killing you" eh?

 

1 hour ago, Eman said:

If a class time/schedule or cost isn't possible for you, there are free articles on the shaman's cave website that can guide you.

You think I could work on that way without courses? (I guess you only mean the recap thing)

I would love to learn the complete picture. Yes cost is a thing... but time will tell.

I don't know what is going on at your places... but here everything is heading south... people will learn hunger and cold here - no one is used to it. Except miracles happen.

PS: If someone helped silently after some posts of mine or this topic here - thank you! I had the feeling like someone perhaps did something. But it is hard to me to separate illusion and real sometime. There are things that are crystal clear, but not always. Yesterday about 24 hours ago +/- 3 hours.

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5 hours ago, PeZetKa said:

What do you mean by that? Energetically?

Yes, energetically "bent" to me means that your energy is not a typical human configuration, for example you are very empathic and in tune with energies in a way that most people are not. You have a highly developed awareness too, and you said it yourself about your third eye being very sensitive. To a shaman this means you are someone who can be trained and will really benefit from healing and working with energy in general. So being energetically "bent" is a good thing.

5 hours ago, PeZetKa said:

But somehow I know I should get into a position where I should want to be in "power" even if I am disabled.

Ignore the world judgement and please know that having a disability, friend, does not stand in your way of being the best person you can be or that it should limit you in any way when it comes to what we do here. In fact I would say that it certainly makes you more compassionate with other people. I am sorry I am not in your shoes to fully understand what it must be like being in your body, but  someone very close and dear to me has spastic CP and he has struggled in his life with people treating him differently because of it....  Believe me, do not think the shape or form of your body can ever stop you from being powerful and energetically healed, because it doesn't. You can have one leg or four arms or be in a wheelchair and yet still be a powerful dreamer, healer, mover of energy, and a force in the world and universe capable of exploring what is out there... The body will never stop you from journeying to places outside this world and experiencing the magic and wonders in the world that maybe only 1% of people are "bent" and able to, or even have the courage to.

You know I don't believe in coincidences: none of us do. There is an intent we have to call people who are ready to find us so let me officially say: Welcome to Shaman's Cave! My heart is glad to meet you and to know that you are taking Recapitulation 1. 

5 hours ago, PeZetKa said:

You think I could work on that way without courses?

It is much, much better to take the course. You get the focused intent of the tradition and teacher + q&a time and more in-depth material. I understand money issues-we all do, and the world has just gone crazy money-wise, even here in America, that's why Gary Mills keeps the costs very low.  Finally, I'm not sure when but the next session schedule will be out soon.

Eman

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Thank you for your reply @Eman

I wouldn't have thought that my handicap is limiting me spiritual-wise. To me it is about the human thing. Suddenly "landing" here and loving life "lets go finally" was the thing with the handicap... I didn't want to concentrate only on the spiritual side or use it to escape any more you know? It will always be a part of myself. But both is important. This was "my joke" in "precious life"... that I realized and felt a little late. And this is still the hope which is important on the one hand and "killing" on the other hand. If I would knew my goal is only spiritual wise and/or to have a role helping others, while staying alone and body-sterile...  I would be done...

I don't want to see the future... very dangerous..

It makes me shaking right here and now...

Edited by PeZetKa
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I am going to withdraw now like a said for a little. I annoy people with my complains. I have to go through somehow, it is going on for 2-3 years now and I don't know how much pain one can experience again and again close to breakdowns... closing down is no solution or even not working... feeling it is like killing your life force and joy again and again.. I don't know how. I try healing now and shut my mouth. I will see were it is going to lead me.

 

Edit: One last thing:

Quote

There is an intent we have to call people who are ready to find us so let me officially say: Welcome to Shaman's Cave! My heart is glad to meet you and to know that you are taking Recapitulation 1. 

Thank you very very much!

Edited by PeZetKa
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