Why is the energy of human beings seemingly so complex?
We, as human beings, even those of us who sit on the evolutionary fence, have natural paradoxes which run through our energy. On the one side we are rational and demand order from our world. We want two to follow one and know that when we sit in a chair it won't turn into a sea tortoise. But on the other side is the creative, irrational part of our nature, the one that wants to believe in the impossible. The part that wishes that chair was a sea tortoise. This is the large division in our nature, the main one which we all struggle with in life. The problem lies not in this main division, but in the creation of the patterns which play between the two parts. It's as though we have been creating a record throughout our life and the grooves that make up the tracks of our existence are set in the surface of that energy. These are the patterns of our behavior which result in us living life according to other people and not ourselves. The paradox comes into play in this when we have recapitulated the energy, but the grooves on that energetic record still exist. They have no content, but the propensity to recreate those songs we used to dance to is still there. Hence, the bad stuff. Here is where human nature really expresses its incredible ability to move without our concious awareness or agreement. We can create a false record of excuses in order to facillitate reanimating those patterns which we have worked so hard to erase.
The key is to be constantly aware of each action you take and it's logical path to a conclusion. This is where you will lie to yourself. You can create a lie and then, even though you know it's a lie, believe it as total truth. It's like trying to ski down a slope in fresh snow -- which is better, more exciting, more individual -- but the tracks already left by others are easier to follow. Learning to turn the statement around in your head is really the best way. Tell yourself something you want to hear about X, whatever it is you want to do, then reverse it grammatically. It will show you a new side of yourself. 'I want him'....'he wants me'...now consider both statements. The 'I want him' statement is easy to handle, it is an expression of self. But the opposite raises other questions, which you need to answer honestly. We will go to extreme lengths sometimes to fall back into those patterns and begin recreating what we were trying to get away from in the first place. Yes, it's a paradox. Logically it makes no sense that we would do that, but then, pipples aren't logical :)
In other words, your brain is still trying to kill you.