Some people have fear of recapping - this fear seems to stop them - therefore the question is, why is there fear and how do you overcome it?
Over the years, I've watched people use the recapitulation technique with various results. Usually those results are rather profound in terms of their own self-discovery. Unfortunately, I also see people who attempt the recap and stop because of their own fears, or because it becomes difficult to do. When we fear anything, the first question we need to ask ourselves is whether the fear is a rational fear, or one born out of a sense of survival, an urgent need to avoid danger to ourselves?
The recapitulation doesn't ask anyone to jump off a cliff, or learn to swallow fire, so the fear of it must fall in the rational fear category. All rational fear, whether justified or not, is learned behavioral response. So when you look at the recapitulation and it 'scares' you to do it, some reasons will present themselves, there is the place you should start the recapitulation itself, that fear.
The one I have heardmost often is simply that people are afraid of what changes it might bring. But if you think about life in general, it is made up of nothing but change, everything changes in time, so it is only a masking fear, one that hides a deeper rationale. That rationale is one place where you need to look closely through the recapitulation process to determine what connections and patterns are creating a controlling fear of change.
The recapitulation doesn't ask anyone to jump off a cliff, or learn to swallow fire, so the fear of it must fall in the rational fear category.
We do change after all, there isn't a choice in that, we get older, fatter, sick, or well, all are processes that create change.
I also often hear that fear of losing people is too great to risk recapping as a practice. My answer to that has always been simply that if you must behave in certain ways that run contrary to your true nature in order to preserve any relationship, that relationship is already in deep, deep trouble. The recapitulation allows you to come to grips with yourself on levels that are hard to imagine prior to the experience. And yes, some of it can be very difficult, we all have parts of ourselves that when we are confronted with them clearly we don't like. But those considering the recap as a practice must ask themselves how they wish to live their lives; will it be a fluid process of discovery, strength and expression of their own energy, or will it be in a subservient role to all those people who consume not only themselves but others as well? Will they choose to see their own vision of the world clearly, or hide behind the vision of others, of words, cultural expectations and even religious metaphor?
Can always being too busy to do it be an expression of a deeper fear?
Yes, it is an expression of that fear, because you can recap virtually anywhere in any small space, even your car on the way to the grocery. I've heard all the excuses. "It gives me a headache, I don't need to recap because I know how to just let go of things," etc.
So, recap the excuse.
Yes. The recap is a physical act, not a metaphor from some psychological textbook; the sheer act of recapitulating your life physically and energetically alters you.
I think the changes it creates can create fear of further change.
Oh, absolutely. That's the secondary fear. Once you do it and see change, even though you like the change, the thought of even more is frightening. "Where will it all end, grass might turn blue, cats sleeping with dogs, an infernal travesty!"
And the primary?
The primary fear is a rational one, "I think things are fine in my life the way they are." That's okay with me, I don't care if anyone recaps, I don't get a commission, but I have watched people for a long time and realize how much they think is 'real' about their life is only a fantasy of mind. The recap does bring change, but the change is not forward to something new, it is backwards towards something old, your original state of energetic being. Frankly, that scares the bejeebers out of some people.
So when you do start to see you look at things and wonder, "What the hell was I thinking when I decided that?"
Yes. Then, suddenly, your entire worldview is called into question, "Is this person really my friend? Do I really like chocolate chip ice cream? Would I rather have a dog than a cat?" All the things in life you accept as givens about yourself. And one day you look in the mirror and realize the person looking back at you really is a stranger, so you have to start the process of figuring out who you are all over again, that too, scares people. You realize all the crap you blame on other people is really your crap, and that can be really scary.
Taking responsibility for one's own actions...
That is the most terrifying part. Suddenly, there are no more excuses, if you screw up, you can't blame someone else. Even if we don't blame them directly, we do so indirectly. We refuse to look at our own position and accept how we came there.
If 'I' am in a continual state of flux how will I ever know who I truly am? Besides a person that is evolving and what service to someone is on one day may become something of another 'nature' tomorrow?
But you are not in a state of constant flux, not the basic you, not the you that was born into the world. You are peeling away the layers of a rotten onion, all those people, places, etc. For instance, if your true nature were to be a naturalist, perhaps you would be a great one. Don't assume the changes that come are ones that are always bad or hard on you, some of them are going to be very good as well. You are changing naturally, the difference with the doing the recap is simply that you are changing intentionally according to your own personal predilections, not because of reactions to other people or the energy that binds you to them. There are those periods in it where you can feel and see the changes, but you can't tell where they're going yet because you aren't done, but as you go along things become more apparent.
My greatest fear is that I will push myself too hard with the practice, and by doing that cause too much change, too quickly, and then I will become unbalanced. My way of dealing with that fear is to slow down, and proceed with caution. Is that a good thing to do? Or is that just being a coward?
The recap is a physical act, not a metaphor from some psychological textbook; the sheer act of recapitulating your life physically and energetically alters you.
Well, it is fear based, but going slowly is up to you, you know how you feel with it and the process. But if change is coming because of the recap it will come anyway. I see your point; going slowly is not necessarily a bad thing in some areas. Consider this, though, you recap and have a grand old time, things are moving, changing, bit by bit, but one day you hit something, something really small like the little girl in fourth grade that wouldn't give you a piece of gum and suddenly everything in your life changes totally. The thing you feared, sudden change, has happened, over something you didn't even remember. So from my point of view, dig in with all four sets of nails and your teeth and recap as much as you can stand. In the end, the change you fear could be just one piece of gum away. But it's your choice, always.
I always draw the line when I feel my family might suffer - I've always been that way.
Your family won't suffer, what makes you think they aren't suffering now from the way things are set in patterns or relationships? Life is a risk, I understand what you are saying, but I just want to be clear about that. When you recap, don't assume anything, even the joy in your memory may not be real joy. You aren't 'taking' anything away from your family. My only concern has always been with children, not to recap them completely until they are well settled. But you can certainly recap up to a certain point, which is really pretty close to where (yours) are now. (Late teens, early twenties.) Usually it does help.
Yes, the small amount that I've recapped regarding my oldest two has made large changes - good changes. Still, I proceed very cautiously.
That's fine. I would urge you to use your own judgment.
Once all the masks are gone, the ones you wear for the different patterns of behavior in your life, and then you have to recreate your own true face and turn that towards infinity. Then none of it seems nearly as important as it did in the beginning.
I think being cautious is something that I learned to do a long time ago to temper my own tendency towards becoming obsessive with things, and it is a tendency I still see as potential in myself.
Caution can be a good thing; I'm not suggesting your process is too slow or anything like that. But learning where that came from is important too and learning where you need to be a wild woman and where not.
Can you overdo it recapping? Go too fast?
Well, yes and no. I've seen people plow in and recap their life in a matter of a year, never stopping, doing fine with it. I've also seen people unbalance themselves, but I have to say that they do always regain their balance, it's just a little weird while the energy settles back in is all. So I don't think you can go too fast really. It will settle, this is a matter of self-healing and the sooner you get better the sooner you move on, but there can be a little more pain in the process if you are doing huge amounts of it day in and day out. I personally don't mind pain, so it has never really been an issue for me.
I seem to do a bunch then slack off a couple of days.
That is appropriate; you are letting things fall back into place, which gives you a better perspective. The largest change the recap brings initially is self-image, that changes a lot and sometimes we don't like what we find as our mask of behavior. Once all the masks are gone, the ones you wear for the different patterns of behavior in your life, and then you have to recreate your own true face and turn that towards infinity. Then none of it seems nearly as important as it did in the beginning. That's when you start developing that bizarre sense of humor :).
When I do it as written on web page I become so overwhelmed. If I stop (which I do all the time) stuff just keeps coming but not with the same effect instantly. But I'm wondering too if this has to do with where my AP (Assemblage Point) sits?
I would really suggest the plain old fashioned method, while you can get the same rush of emotion in that process you are usually better equipped to deal with it in the moment. But yes, the AP is where you assemble this world, so the recap as practiced is changing that by making it looser and more fluid. It is returning to a more natural state of existence through the process of the recap itself. Whether your experience in the world has been responsible for it moving down, or if it is a natural position, the recap will break the things that help hold it there, allowing you to move it back.
I get paranoia from to much seeing all at once this is natural too?
Yes, that's pretty natural as well. You just have to keep in mind what is yours and what isn't; don't allow what you see to be a personal issue for you all the time. Usually our ability to see becomes much more clear as we reclaim our energy and quit draining ourselves through all those useless connections. So just try the basic, white bread recap technique, do it for two weeks and see if you think it's helping you. Do it every day, for two weeks, then stop and look back to see if anything is different to you.
You become the path and the path becomes you. So just keep plugging, you'll get there.
I've gotten a little confused about the first pass thing. How can it be possible to recap your whole life in two years? Especially when forgotten memories keep coming up. How will I know that I'm really done with the first pass?
It will change, the nature of your recapping will change, become deeper, more rooted in things which may right now not even seem related to your life at all. I think there is a great fear of where you'll end up with all this recapitulating stuff. If you are doing it for self-healing only, stop when it changes - when you find yourself recapping other people's lives, the time before birth, etc. If you are hell-bound for a shamanic path never stop recapping. But you will notice that it changes once you are really done with the first pass. It will become deeper, almost trance like and also much easier and relatively automatic for you as well. You will still have things to recap, memories, etc, but you begin to see a much larger picture of yourself and other people, the world and how things connect in patterns both inside you and outside you. These are the first small steps towards really walking a shamanic path. These things are not something you see mentally, but things that become an intrinsic part of your daily existence. You become the path and the path becomes you.
So just keep plugging, you'll get there.