Sex is second only to the will to survive in human energy and it involves an energetic exchange in intensity along those lines. Men use women, women use men, men use men, women use women - it's all very tawdry. Energetically, men hook into women for the fluidity they represent, and women into men for the grounding. I know it's supposed to be the opposite, but I've never seen it that way. Even in exchanges that seem casual, from an energetic point of view, it's no different because of the biological imperative.
Our sexual energy, or that energy that is in us that can be bent to sexual uses, is a pretty good chunk of our total energy. But it is by no means the dominant energy we have access to in living.
This is an intense form of exchange - energetically we open ourselves to it at much deeper levels than just about any other sort of exchange. Just as in the interactions on other levels, the problem is it's deeper and bound more towards the center of people because of the intensity of the energy. You can see it low down, usually just below the belly button area, if you can make the correlation that way. It's a lot harder to get out, or break the connections because they are placed in a more instinctual way, not through words or emotions so much. The balance comes in when the exchange is made on a level playing field. At least then there is no loss, or if you meet someone who can manage it without taking from you energetically. The problem is we are at our most vulnerable during sexual exchanges energetically.
When you recap someone in your life and you had 'relations' with that person, as my grandmother used to say, you should recap the sexual acts just like any other interaction. While the energy exchange is in many ways more intense and deeper than other forms of interaction, other things can be just as deep - especially if they are the result of, or reinforcing patterns in your life.
You might want to consider at some point just going back and doing a purely sexual recap, person to person. Because the energies of those contacts run so deep, a specific amount of work on them certainly can't hurt. But as long as you include this aspect of energy retrieval in your normal recapping, it will take care of a great deal of it, or even most of it, since most sex people have is pretty boring when you get right down to it.
Our sexual energy, or that energy that is in us that can be bent to sexual uses, is a pretty good chunk of our total energy. But it is by no means the dominant energy we have access to in living. The problem is people make it the dominant energy in their lives because they can't recognize anything else. Sexual energy isn't 'bad' - it's the clarity with which we see our own sexual identities and how we apply that energy that gets us into deep doo-doo.
Most people are bisexual. That statement usually freaks people out because they consider themselves to be anchored one way or the other. My experience over the years has shown me that this isn't the case. Imagine a meter that goes from 1 to 100. We'll call this the human sexuality meter, or sexual preferences meter. Most people, when they are born, line up on one side or the other, to one degree or another. For instance, if someone is destined to be gay they might line up on 1, for a heterosexual they might line up at 100. These two positions are nearly impossible to move from experientially, they are both the extreme ends of the scale.
The balance comes in when the exchange is made on a level playing field. At least then there is no loss, or if you meet someone who can manage it without taking from you energetically. The problem is we are at our most vulnerable during sexual exchanges energetically.
The scale, however, has a lot more territory in it than that and most people are born somewhere in between. Enculturation and expectation tend to cement that into place early in childhood if the people doing the enculturating have things figured out correctly. The problem comes when someone lines up on that number one, but has a heterosexual enculturation bias being presented to them. The problems with that become obvious. People who line up in the center, or in say, the range of 40 to 60 are bisexual. The very center (50) is probably the most difficult of the positions to come to grips with, ultimately.
Now, let's look at an interesting facet of using someone's sexual energy against them manipulatively. Let's say that you run 70 on the meter, which places you firmly in heterosexual territory. Most likely the idea of sexual relations with the same sex would never occur to you, or if it did, it would never be anything you would seriously consider acting on in the real world. But even though you are naturally and culturally cemented into that position someone who recognizes that energy could use it against you to control you, or cause you to engage in activities you would not have on your own.
So how do they do that? Emotion is the simple word. They give you something that you want more than anything emotionally, and then once you are settled into it they turn and use that to knock you loose from your natural moorings. Sound familiar? It's a lot easier to do than most people think. Because people view themselves so strongly as being one way or the other sexually, they often never see a predator like that coming at them. In their mind, the possibility doesn't even exist. After all is said, you will return to you natural position left on your own. The damage done at that point, though, is usually severe.
The problem is we are at our most vulnerable during sexual exchanges energetically.
The mistake people make is to assume they are so completely made up one way or the other. On the little meter we are hardly ever totally at one end of the spectrum. So the best thing, from my point of view, is to be honest with yourself about what is going on in your energy, where you stand naturally and work with that. This doesn't mean people will all become bisexual. It simply means to be aware on a much deeper level of who you are and what makes up your energy.
Ask yourself why sex is one of the most political activities in which people engage. Something is going on there. It's the depth of the hooks and why they are there in the first place. Power and control issues, for instance, can distort a relationship in to some really bizarre behavior. Just look at the ways in which it can control interactions between people. That's what drives the connections so deep. It's a tough one to get out. Oddly enough, I have watched gay relationships provide less of that than almost any other.
The issue is how you approach sex, how do you handle it to prevent that from happening. I'm not suggesting not having sex; I'm suggesting that you just learn to handle it differently energetically. You change it to something beyond biology by coming to it without expectation, remaining fluid, and by working for the other person, not yourself. If you can break the expectation aspects of it, you pretty much contain it down to the level of any other interaction, only sweatier. If you can learn to approach it without any personal expectations as far as your own needs are concerned, over time that eliminates the needs themselves. Then, you have a connection that can be recapped without so much effort. As an example, when you are with a partner try letting them have orgasms for a while without you having any, and I mean like for several weeks, or for a number of times. Oddly, once you master it, the sexual experience itself becomes much more intense. You should reach a point where you can feel the other person's orgasms in your own body as real physical reactions.
If you can learn to approach it (sex) without any personal expectations as far as your own needs are concerned, over time that eliminates the needs themselves. Then, you have a connection that can be recapped without so much effort.
I've done a complete first pass on all of my sexual encounters/experiences, but I think I still have energy tied up in lesser intents in this way. Fantasies, for instance, should they also be recapped?
If you fantasize about someone, on some level you create it as a reality. So recapping your fantasies is not a bad idea, but it would be later, after having completed the real one. Sexual energy is a big one (no pun intended). Because of the biological imperative to reproduce, each of us holds a great deal of energy and connections in that area. It's okay to fantasize, just do it with made up people, not always someone you know or see on the silver screen. In a real sense, thought is energy and creates a connection, albeit a weak one. The difficulty for most people is that their sexuality holds more in terms of secretive and anxiety-producing energy than just about any other area of human energy. That sort of direct contact strikes at the root of human interaction and therefore is rich in the way we stay connected to it in our past. In other words, if your first time still gives you a throb, it really needs to be recapped.
If someone is a virgin, have they lost much of this type of energy?
The way they express their sexuality can still create problems due to patterns in their energy. This is a difficult area for most people to talk about, and yet, it is probably second only to the will to survive for human beings in the way they connect their energy to the world. Don't get me wrong here; I'm not suggesting sex is 'bad'. All I'm saying is that it is an area of your energy you must be particularly circumspect with. If you have sex with someone because you are needy emotionally, or they are, that's a bad thing. Recapping sexual encounters is just very important in terms of your overall energy. It doesn't mean you need to be celibate, or be cold, or aloof. It depends a lot on what you invested in them. If you didn't invest much, there isn't much to recap, though the connection is still there.
Is there a point in doing this work that you find yourself wanting to not give your energy away this way? Celibacy, in other words.
The object here is not to fight your body, or its own use of energy, but you have to learn where to separate the connections to patterns and behaviors.
Yes, for a lot of people that occurs. But it comes and goes; it just depends on the individual. Shamans just invest sexual energy differently is all. I always make it a point not to tell people on the path they need to, or don't need to be celibate. I think that's a decision people should make for themselves.
What if sex actually energizes you?
It's an illusion. Well it's not an illusion entirely; it's just the exchange of energy that is taking place. It's simple really; your energy balls up in a knot and then unwinds, quickly making connections all over the place with the person, persons and or barnyard quadrupeds involved. This is why sexual energy is a big one to recap.
What about masturbation, and wet dreams?
Masturbation, if excessive, can cause problems. But if you aren't missing appointments or work because of it, the damage is probably minimal. You just have to realize it is still a connection to the world at large. I would suggest recapping the things that lead to it rather than the actual physical act. The physical act is more of an inward turning of energy, which isn't all that good, but not deadly by any means. It really is an issue more of the patterns that created it as something you feel you should do. I just think masturbation, unless it's really excessive, isn't that much of an energetic problem, unless it causes you to fantasize a lot. Wet dreams are perfectly natural; I wouldn't worry about those either. The object here is not to fight your body, or its own use of energy, but you have to learn where to separate the connections to patterns and behaviors.
Where would so-called perversions come in, like cross-dressing, scatology, spanking, etc.? Also, what about rape and domination? How do these affect your energy?
Fetishes don't bother me as long as people clean up after themselves. If it's consensual sex, it's not a severe problem, or I should say, doesn't really move outside the realm of sexual energy. But those desires come from somewhere and those patterns are the key. Now, rape and the like changes things because you've moved outside the normal realm of sexual energy into other behavior triggers. Those are usually from very damaged individuals already. They have become human predators, and as far as I'm concerned they need to be treated as such. They stick out energetically. They are very consumed and consuming types of energy. It's the worst sort of violence. It robs, it breaks down, it steals a part of you, and the connection to it continues for some women a lifetime, and men too for that matter.
Is there a way to recapitulate our sexual energy besides each 'sexual' partner or experience?
Yes, you can look at the patterns, and then work on recapping the feelings of sexual arousal themselves. Of course, this isn't such a good thing if you expect to ever have a sex life again. :) Actually, that isn't the case. It will reopen all that to, well, new stuff. You will find freedom in your sexual energy you didn't know could exist, also in the way it can be used. It's a very powerful part of human energy. Artists can create with it, carpenters can build with it, it has creative properties outside the bedroom.