ArcaneHuman

I'm kind of realizing over the past few days that i might need to practice stalking a lot since my issues are so complicated... but what do i stalk? healing? is that too general? I could also stalk the source of the darkness but i think that could kind of end up in a bad way. like... searching for a needle in a hay stack and being surprised when you prick your finger. i used to practice stalking a while back, several years ago... and it's like i picked up where i left off. if necessary i can explain how i've been stalking but i will keep this one brief because the last post was a tome.

I will begin by explaining my primary struggle: Sometimes (about once a week on average) I am overwhelmed by a solipsistic waking nightmare in which i am the only conscious entity and all the suffering in the world is my fault. It happens mostly in public places but sometimes it strikes at home. When i am hit with it I feel evil and pathetic. In it I am being given a choice. Accept the "knowing" that I am evil and punish myself or opt out of remembering my own lowliness and inherit a greater punishment. The idea behind it is that by sustaining my existence i am sustaining the horrors of t

Hi, a friend introduced me to the recapitulation exercise article on shamans cave. I overlooked the part in her email wherein she told me not to jump into the practice without talking to her about it first. I set a timer for 15 minutes and delved straight into recalling traumatic memories related to my father and my upbringing. After the first session i did an immediate follow up about my mother for about 5 minutes. I rarely if ever give much stock to how she made mistakes. I felt slightly overwhelmed after. I told my friend i had done this and she told me in so many words that it was a mis