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  1. Yesterday
  2. SINCE, i was talking about dreams too earlier. I'll just write this here as if it was a diary, concentrating on dreams (After burning mugworth and asking for guidance). Of course constantly journaling my dreams here would be just a pestilence for everyone. Well third time we had few beers prior to burning Mugworth, so panic attack would not set in. Only symptom was for me some sort of light headedness and gf didn't get any symptoms. Not even on dreams the first night but I had a dream that was echoing another one I had some months earlier. In the dream I was apparently buying and old wooden house, it was a big house amongst natural landscapes, it wasn't particularly fancy except there was this interesting indoor balcony thing where you could set up chairs/sofa and watch movies as if you were in a private concert. That balcony was in the living room but you had to go there crossing another room, which was one of the houses "dark sectors" in the past dream this dark sector was in the basement. At least this time there was that dark sector upstairs as well. These sectors would be places where there just was, well basically dark, possibly haunted or other danger lurking around, but not shown. Person in the dream who was selling the house, was an old woman. probably nothing special about that, since it's often old people who are selling houses rather than young ones. It's interesting dream if nothing else. I see a lot of vivid dreams anyways, so it's hard to make out which ones are important, but sometimes me or my spouse do se dreams that more or less mimic future events. I'm usually unable to lucid dream thought, my lucid dreams tend to fall in pieces if i try to control the dream, it just shatters and i wake up. So in my case sleep paralysis are closest to lucid dreams. SECOND night however was my spouse's turn to see dreams regarding this same matter, she saw a dream of building too, but it was more like the building's we have lived together in - it had many floors and apartments, we were coming back from somewhere (to that place) in the night, and in the corridors there were these dark sectors just like I saw, expect she described them of being "absence of space and materia which could not be even looked at". she tried to warn me about running in to those, dark spots, even though she could not see in to them. She also saw a grey cat guarding/sleeping on her stuff (boxes of items), first she thought the cat as nuisance that would mess with her items, but when she came back the cat had just been sleeping there. Both of us saw a dog in our last nights dream, but they had no major roles other than being there. Well in my dream the dog did eat a lot of dog's cookies and followed people to abandoned house in apocalypse, where there was zombies inside. But that was not connected to other dreams directly, so might be nonsense/something else. Well considering animals she also saw marked sheeps , and noted that "it's that time of the year again" in the dream. I instantly saw psychological connection to those student people who come to the street wearing coveralls with patches. So probably nothing mystical about that side note. (Not sure if you they do this in other countries). The second one would probably be clearer if she wrote it herself, but i just put this here up as a journal on this subject.
  3. Last week
  4. Yep okay, I'll wait if someone can. I think what you originally instructed me to do is what I do, maybe even too much as it is. You know, thinking about my life, and possible reasons for whatever. I also sometimes write down what I think. (And I do have pretty intense skill of hindsight too) So I think I do something similar already. This thing has just been bothering me for years, not even sure how many, and it does seem that I need external help especially from someone who has further knowledge of spirits, entities, curses. I'm not saying that your tradition couldn't be otherwise used for my help, and I mean this is your forum, so I'm not here to mock it.
  5. Thanks for explaining further, it's all good. I wish I was able to help you further with identifying those energies but my knowledge of forces outside this tradition is limited.
  6. It is not as much a challenge, as it's just my firm belief that the "energy" is something, or HAS to be something in order to deal with it. If you prefer your own way of interpreting things I have no reason to challenge that. On the contrary, I was trying to explain that I see no benefit in changing my view, I think that purposefully trying to adopt someone else's understanding of worldview would be quite counter intuitive. So in my perspective the "curse being" does certainly use energy, but in order to be able to use it - it has to be something specific first, just like I am operating this computer, and I am using energy I harvested from food to do so. But it would be in my opinion of no effect to state "Well energy is writing us a post on forum" we need to identify me on some concrete level to be able deal with me. I take things quite literally, like I tried to explain :-D. So basically in my mind you are just saying that "Think about that 0 before it becomes a 1, but don't think of it as a 0 either" which IMO is just trying to reinvent bicycle, and for that reason, FOR ME at least, it is very important to have some sort of terminology - as I do believe something similar has existed in the past, and I do not need to reinvent it for this purpose. I could look it as an individual, and look at it's individual reasons but that's whole another story. Anyways, emotions would be the only way left to read the energy, if it did not posses ANY prior background research by someone else. I guess most abstract of those visions is that vortex of black strings (straight black lines) that I saw in sleeping paralysis hovering above my spouse's ear as she slept. That's sort of ??? creature that would surely amuse those who follow maker's path, but even for such thing I'd look a name for as if having it's name gave me power. Just like mycologist identifies different species of mushroom and so forth the medicine man, and all of the different industries can benefit from those discoveries. But, I do think it's cool that you don't think I'm delusional. I suppose that I still want to address that I'm not here to "challenge" people, i understand that i might come off that way, it's just more that in the limited capability which can be done over internet forums, I am trying to represent myself at least somewhat "as is". and with that becomes that it would be easier to work with for example norse/slavic shamanism, than lets say a caribbean or native american tradition. Edit: also I did not mean that I need instructions in finnish, even if some things might be more understandable that way, but sometimes it's easier to talk about your things in different language, in some odd way. Well at least i'd be hesitant to go ask help from Ylilauta (finnish equivalent of 4chan) even though i'm sure I'd gather many answers.
  7. Hi FinWanderer, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you are working with something purely psychological. I was sort of indirectly approaching that when you see things a(and I do believe you that it is something working/haunting against you), that it's important to be detached from your emotions so that you can more clearly see what you are dealing with. I guess i'm just trying to explain that makers usually won't talk in terms of the classic traits of entities as determined over time by different traditions, we try to look at each case as new and fresh without those filters of explanation. You are very welcome to participate here, another thing about makers is that each of us practices our own version of the tradition, there are no rules, just tools. We also have a maker/teacher that is from Finland who may be able to give you more insight. He may chime in on this thread. So I want to assure you that I don't think you are delusional at all. My intent was to hopefully point out that if you are able to see energy clearly, without detachment, - reading it at a level before it 'becomes' a domovol or whatever else, then you will be able to understand without outside guidance, exactly what you are dealing with, you will simply 'see' and 'know.' But of course, getting other's opinions and sharing is also very helpful and welcome too, we need that as humans. And you are welcome to challenge us here, we're not easily offended.
  8. Here is additional explanation (also a secondary, unnecessary one) why I think I personally could not solely work from Maker's perspective. Perhaps what I am saying that regardless which one of us is right, that for me, it is hard to work from perspective of energy as is. Just like for me it is very hard to understand numbers or mathematics as is - for me both just mean "kind of like nothing". I'm sort of dull minded on the mathematical side of things. So for me something either has to be this or that, so I can work with it - as if it was a painting or a poem, it would be harder to make universally understandable painting or poem by energy without specific persons, creatures ,or groups harnessing and using that energy for their purposes. Just like it would be very difficult for me to go on a diet where calories are restricted, calories as an abstract context being restricted would for mean me "something is maybe somehow restricted" and I would deeply struggle with it. Hence it would be easier for me to go on a diet where I just skip eating something that has a lot of calories, like "Don't eat cheese for a month" that would restrict my intake of calories, but I had something concrete to play with :-D. Purpose of explaining this is perhaps why some psychological methods are lost on me to some extent. I guess i'm almost semi-autistic in that manner, i'll just get confused if someone wishes me well, sends me prayers, or anything like that, especially if its the first thing they say, it causes me no joy. I'd preferably look for something to relate on, than someone just trying to vaguely cheer me up. So there's that, Besides the fact that i personally do believe there is something actual working/haunting against me, but i know, that is commonly thought to be delusional even with, ehm, special groups of people.
  9. Hi, thanks for replying. I do understand, that this is a forum constructed by "maker" tradition. However, tbh, I kind of wished to just encounter someone who is maybe more in tune with how I view these things, because it is easier to work from that context. Why did i come here then? well, a lot of different boards are too noisy and my problem would drown in a lot of stuff that is probably there just for the sake of someone's boredom. The Domovoi thing was just one dream, i mentioned it because it popped in my mind... Perhaps psychologically (and spiritually) speaking something more specifically recurring could work. BUT, here is in my opinion a MAJOR thing that differs from what you said -> I did not know it was called a domovoi until i searched a lot and found depiction of a creature who had eyes like the one I saw, in norse paganism I don't think there is Domovoi which is more slavic thing. Of course i do know something of slavic creatures/magicks. But perhaps without my research i would have just called it "A gollum mixed with a gnome". It is however possible if the dream was psychological, that in depths of my mind I had this Domovoi name for it. The Domovoi itself was on the roof of my paternal grandparent's house, where as it was perhaps accusing my maternal grandmother of something. I don't remember correctly, and I feel kind of silly bringing this one specific aspect in too much. The thing's that I have seen in sleep paralyzis are in a way more interesting, but of course dreams are too. There are just so many dreams with me. Just last night i saw one that was a continuation to another one i saw some months ago. Tbh, i'm waiting for a reply from someone who is "as delusional" as I am from the common perspective :-D. I have to admit that it's hard to grasp what you mean by your advice, but it sort of reminds me of schema therapy which I do have a book of. I know as crazy as it sounds, that i do have actual spiritual beings or "curse beings" following me, yet, i am aware that i do have my own psychological issues as well, but I also believe them to be separate from it. I also have realized a lot of reasons for my psychological issues, although that realization has hardly freed me of them. I hope that even with my more north-eastern view of things, I am allowed to stay, and look for someone to aid me in my "travels". English is obviously not my mother language, so if I write in weird manner, that's the reason. *Checking in, I have seen Domovoi creature in Witcher video game some years earlier, but it did not exactly look like that one, the reason i call that specific creature hairless domovoi, is because that's what describes it the most*
  10. First of all, welcome FinWanderer; This site is a Maker site - a western shamanic tradition with its roots originating in Europe hundreds of years ago but worldwide now. Sometimes, I feel almost dull as a maker attempting to describe our take on things people from other traditions and practices describe from their experiences. And that's because in the maker tradition, we break everything down into its most basic energetic form. So for example the domovol - we would not treat such an entity, if we came across one based purely on what we've been told about them. Meaning, we would look at the domovol and basically see its energetic construct, what is causing that energy to take the form of a domovol? Well, it seems that your background in Norse history and paganism might be 'coloring' this energy and causing it to form in your awareness as a domovol. So what does that 'mean?' If you go back to that memory and feel for the emotions, feel for what else besides the imagery was there for you, basically deconstruct that memory and image if you can, you will get an insight to what it was and why you were interacting with it. So I feel that basically, a little bit of personal life history, a little bit of collective cultural history + something in you + something or some kind of energy that you encountered is how it might break down. The trick is to understand why that energy interacted with you in the way it did and that will teach you something about yourself and the energy you interacted with. Sorry if it sounds so academic but understanding it all at this level will give you the freedom to choose what you want to do with it - work with it or walk away from it.
  11. Hi, Funny thing, i'm somewhat close to asatru, i have heard Thor speaking in sleep paralyzis. But i'm sure in many ways i'm very different than you, for example you seem very much identified with manliness, where as i'm biologically male but psychologically i'm of no specific gender, but that's how the seidrs are too -> sorcery was "forbidden" or at least shunned for male people, and they'd dress in female clothes to become of no gender. Maybe this is why when i was younger i flipped out at baba yaga when she came, told her i was a man - even if i had asked for her to teach me. I also did not go to military training, even if its a standard in my country =), don't know if you despise that decision with your background. I do have a hunting license thought, but i have never actually hunted, and I would want to do it in fair and ethical way, like bow hunting. The prey would have a chance, and uhh, i would get boost from actually managing to hunt something with a bow. I do kind of collect weaponry with my spouse thought, CO2 guns, knives, swords, axes. I'd say regardless of our gender we both express both genders. I always automatically always think of Varg Vikernes, when i see the name Varg :-D. Suppose in my weirdness i'm more like mr Espedal (Gaahl) than Varg, but not exactly. I'm not sure are these people even popular in USA, so you might be wondering what the hell. But perhaps you listen to Wardruna? Gaahl was formerly associated with them, and their lead singer was associated with Gorgoroth. mentioning these people was somewhat trivial, but the meaning was to sort out the cultural context, of both art and shamanism in our living spheres. More like a pagan in general myself, than a specific type of shaman, a lot of people of course have problem calling themselves/others shamans anyways if they are not tribally chosen, but i don't much care about that. I think saying that I was a shaman would make no difference for someone who is not into paganism and all that. I'd be a bad shaman anyways, i can sense a lot of things - but i also mess up a lot. If you have read Sapkowskis hussite trilogy, i'm like the Reinmar Bielau guy, always running in to troubles of some sort. (If you have read it, don't spoil it, i'm waiting for Lux Perpetua finnish translation this summer).
  12. Another, Funny thing actually, apparently the previous tenant in this apartment was some sort of a fundamental Christian, might be part of the reason why the energy here is so different from mine, it's as if i had to burn incense 24/7 to be able to breathe. I mean his mail is still coming, regarding to some other mail, which i have not opened but can read the labels... he is dead, this is second time I'm getting dead persons mail in last years. Well to be more precise, i think in this case, the dead person's son lived here... But the mail was turned here for reason or another. This second reply is quite trivial anyways, i do not identify my problems with this particular case, as they have been present before - this is just another example in the list of weirdness. Which i know yes, can occasionally happen on random, but i don't think that's the case.
  13. I feel stupid asking from completely unknown people, but here i go. Does anyone here know how to recognize these astral/spiritual beings? Know anything about these ones? One that looks like a domovoi but is hairless. One that is a man dressed up in a suit, and wearing a magicians hat. One that is basically just a small black vortex consisting of straight lines. Seen two of these in sleep paralyzis, except the domovoi one was in a dream, i dream a lot anyways, but that was distinguishably weird creature. + My spouse saw a row of pitch black hands grasping towards us, when she was waking up (we were in a hotel at that time), don't know if its her vision of the beings. Some background -> Been having a lot of bad luck, weird happenings, etc along the years, like constant loop where me and my spouse are stuck, lost a lot of friends and social interactions with many relatives have died too, also sudden death of 3 male relatives inside 1 year was strange occurance too - maybe these things are connected. You know, anything that has to do with common curse symptoms, we probably had it if you ask. A random person even attacked us on the street in a quiet little town, when we were walking - in weird psychotic way as if we were enemies in a video game. dogs tend to go mental too. as an extended "proof", we did once see a physical object being pushed by something invisible. We have actually moved about 7 times in past 6 years, because there has always been problem with housing/neighbors/etc. just one part of it. Perhaps i have some sort of "counter-domovoi" following me that sucks out any luck with housing. Shamanic healing we had done to us last summer... only seemed to make this worse, i lost some of my ability to go in sleep paralyzis to see these things, but it seems like they got even stronger grip around me. Well, i told the healer that I'm not sure if she can do it remotely, and i was worried if she only makes the malevolent force more angry, she seemed to take the issue too lightly anyways, claimed to have seen a lot of things, even removed a curse she claimed - but in the end was not ready to take any responsibility. I did warn her many times, why am I to suffer the consequences? (We actually met that shamanic healer IRL, and talked for hours, even then i told her that if the healing is not done now, i don't think it will be complete - and i was right, although I now doubt that she would have been powerful enough to do it even there, but it was best opportunity). I feel so frustrated that people need so much convincing to believe there was something going on, i'm looking for the right crowd to help me, someone who is not psychotic but does know these things exist. There seems to be something about mugworth causing weird psychological symptoms when burned as incense, on both of us (me and my spouse) not sure what's that about. *As for myself i'm more a pagan in general, than a shaman, i'm not on any spesific path so to speak, i think a lot of pagan paths are similar, either polytheistic or animistic*
  14. Living environment... that's an interesting topic Kind of same problem here, except that we have tried to move about 7 times in the past six years, yet the same crap happens every time in different orders. Problems with the apartment itself, problems with the neighbors, if these don't exist in the beginning they will start emerging, but often they emerge very fast or immediately when we move in. They also tend to add up the longer we stay in one place. Once we stayed for 2 years, and besides of the neighbors constantly ??? jumping towards the wall or what not, and drilling holes all the time, some other neighbors started clanging on the radiator at 3 o clock in the morning, and just the day before we moved from there someone broke into our storage unit to mess it up. Sigh, even in most peaceful looking neighborhoods there is something weird incoming when we move in. Neighbor dancing in the storage units room in middle of night, roof making terrible noise at the wind, mold, someone making bottle bombs and exploding them at night, sudden invasion of house flies in autumn, neighbors playing music at 5 am, when playing music (or just weird background noises???). i mean the list goes on and on. Tried energy cleansing too but doesn't seem to do much. Current place where i'm living, it's really weird... because i lived here in this very same building a lot of years ago. The energy around here is terrible! And i know i'm not supposed to be here, somehow i ended up here, hopefully to close something off my life, so i can go on with my own life. Btw, about cleansing, it's interesting that both me and my spouse felt anxious after burning mugworth. I actually think that at this point, i have some sort of PTSD like symptoms because of having so many different, yet similar issues on every place where we have lived in past years. We actually got a shamanic healer to help us with our constant problems, last summer... But it seems she only made them worse, than what they had been for a while. So I cannot help not to regret getting help from her. She claimed to have seen a lot, and done a lot. But she also claimed that she promised nothing, although i feel like she kind of did. Difficult to explain, but what I mean, I'm quite sure, in my case there is some sort of malevolence playing upon this loop.
  15. Earlier
  16. As far as your reply to a part of my post, I think you should be more aware. I formerly served time in prison for burglary, and will tell you that that person was exhibiting the number one MO of home invasion. It was likely nothing to be fair, on that topic. But people like this have ways and means of their own. I personally try not to understand others' motivations; people act of their own accord. But as I mentioned, yes that's true. And so I know. When someone comes to your door and acts as such it's them casing your house. I am fine now and off drugs and all of that for some time, but that is the MO of home invasion. You likely already knew that. I'm on this forum to help as I can with my own experience. -Varg
  17. I celebrated prematurely. The neighbor is gone but turns out over the year he trained the local alcoholics to smoke outside with him so now they keep gathering even though he is gone. They wouldn’t have dared to smoke and gather outside before but he made them feel “empowered”. I see now that they intend to continue his “tradition”. This place has become infested with malevolence and disorder.
  18. The neighbor has finally moved out a few days ago. I cannot describe how much lighter I feel. It’s as if a huge weight had been lifted and I am finally coming back to myself. I only now realize how blocked I was by him being here and what a horribly negative energy he was carrying (it wasn’t in my mind). He just carried such a sense of disorder and now that he’s gone I can finally see how much of it rubbed off on me constantly while he was here. I still caught myself thinking about him the past few days, not actively, but it kind of passes through my mind, like a habit, this state of constantly being prepared to see him outside. It became part of my life to constantly feel uncomfortable knowing I am “surrounded” and it will probably take some time for it to leave my system. I am horrified at how much energy it drained from me especially in these kind of circumstances where I was cornered by the pandemic to live in a place where I usually wouldn’t choose to be. I am good at organizing my energy and space but when someone is literally in your home all the time it’s a different story. But now I feel free again. At last!! I see there have been a few more replies, so I just want to briefly reply too. First of all, When I moved in here I was doing the same. This however, made people around bother me more because I was “different”. Before this guy moved in, another neighbor was stalking me for two months, was ringing my doorbell every week to “check up on me” and in the end broke into my apartment after I started ignoring her. This was caused by the fact that when I first came here I had a polite conversation with her. She offered me help if I needed it and I said the same. But then as time went by and I didn’t need any help and she decided that she wanted to be a part of my life whether I want it or not because I had a different energy she wanted to “probe”, so she decided to force herself into my life. So she started coming to my door telling me that I must be lonely, or that I don’t look so good (implying that I need her). She asked me for my phone number twice and twice I said no. And finally when I decided after a few such encounters that I don’t need someone regularly bothering me like that, coming to my door acting like something was wrong with me, and I stopped answering the door (which I told her I would do) she continued to ring the doorbell every week for two months and in the end broke into my apartment saying that she was “worried I was dead” because she hasn’t seen me in some time. Now I don’t think I have to tell you what kind of underhanded bs that was. She trying to justify her agression by supposed “good intentions”. All my statements about being fine and self-sufficient those first times we spoke just went over her head. So unfortunately, positive energy and doing your thing only makes some people aggressively want to butt in, in my experience. I was a subconscious threat to her though we don’t even know each other. If it was a different situation, maybe I would’ve talked to him. But I didn’t need to talk to him to know him. I already know everything about him because I met hundreds of guys like him and I know everything he is thinking. Most people aren’t that unique despite the popular narrative. Also, that’s what he would’ve wanted. That would’ve made him even more comfortable to impose. I know the popular belief is to think we are all independent and sovereign about our lives and thoughts. But that’s not true. We all influence each other and shape our experiences in relation to what surrounds us be it consciously or unconsciously. The more the energy around you slips into your unconscious, the less you are bothered by it because it has managed to shape you. In some cases that can be a good thing, if you are surrounded by positive or useful people or energy. This usually happens when we decide to be or we already are “empathetic”. So just like you would protest if someone immersed you in a pool of toxic waste or forced you to ingest poison, you would try to regurgitate it or find an antidote, the same thing applies to unwanted company. You can’t just “wish away” the poison or “make peace with it” by changing your attitude (unless you want to die). What is toxic is simply toxic. We are after all, embodied beings with a limited amount of energy. And yeah, toxic people do “push my buttons” and I am grateful for that because I always want to be sensitive and conscious when it comes to negative or unwholesome energy. It shows I have discernment, that I am conscious rather than unconscious. But that doesn’t mean I need to put up with it or feel like I am “weak” for being affected. Being powerless at times is a part of life as anything else. Disowning that fact altogether is neurotic.
  19. I so apologize, but perhaps part of the answer hast just struck me. I do already have a YouTube audience of near 100k. I can do whatever there I can get away with, whish is quite a bit, let's be honest: A year ago or so I posted a video on how to break down and conceal carry a weapon restricted in most of your states. The problem is these videos don't get a lot of views - maybe only a few hundred or thousand, and it detracts from my normal viewership, but it's a jumping-off point, is it not? I sick of catering to teenage viewers who only want video games - I already have the platform, in a sense. Still, I am open to any response.
  20. ... Why btw is lame because I live in a Desert town of 4,000 people and go into the local hobby store and buy tanned rabbit pelts for $12 apiece, but yet have as yet not a way to sell such custom wares on the internet. Go figure.
  21. Here is a more important question - much more, and one that differs from any I've asked befor. Bear with me. I have many wares I craft and sell, and have as lately looked to sites such as Etsy or Ebay to sell, but neither excpet crafts made of animals. Most of my crafts incorporate things made from animals - both disallowed from each place. I am a unique merchant in that each piece is from whatever animal from wheverver - no matter the distance needed to travel. All are made uniquely from andimal skin, bone, and/or stones, jewels, et cetera to create the exact piece of jewelry the consumer needs, but none of these mainstream sites accepts this. Some are ready to go, named by the animal, and the place and where I killed it - others by other elemtnts of the stones I've found and my insights into what the buyer wants. This goes with everything from simple stone and steel jewelry to specific, animals and solid sterling I can connect with wire to them to extreme custom pieces which list for many thousands of dollars. I was dismayed that no mainstream site I've found yet will list these. I can do anything, and will travel as far ast I must to create the pieces I must, to create what I must - but the price does go up with that. The point is - where can I list things like this? For instnance - if someone wants the bones of a wolf who tried to harm them created into a symbolic talisman, I can travel out there and do that, but these sites don't allow that. Obv, however, that'd be expensive, but I've spent a lifetime shopping at run-of-the-mill rock and crystal stores and none of them offer this. I can do this and already have many products to sell of a highly unique quality. Any ideas? Thanks, -Varg. Sersiously, only hand tools on real materials - non-human of course - don't be sick.
  22. P.S. When I was staying on the Pacific Coast a couple of months ago, I did find a nice flat round stone washed ashore on the beach with a hole in it and a second, smaller stone wedged within that hole, which although unique, was still, no, not what I was looking for. I will know when I find it, so yes, I know what you mean. -Varg
  23. silenceseeker, I have done the same exact thing. Allow me an example: Once, many years ago, I was looking for a nice, roundish stone to use as a center stone on an altar. I searched the riverbed for literally hours, and found nothing. Because it wasn't there. Over the last twenty or so years I have found many stones of unique quality, and I don't mean the ones the books say, but I mean the ones that speak to you. I have a huge collection of stones, but to this day, that many years later, still have not found that one, flat round stone. One day I will find it. That said, however, I was inquiring as to the OP of Black/White Fire Agate because I can't find anything on it, but yes, I perfectly understand your reply. Thank you. -Varg.
  24. And as a by the by, she is okay with me giving details of her name and some things over voice on Discord, but just now there in such an open form. Don't ask me why. It does sound crazy, but no - many things in my life are crazy - the only real commitment I've every had to a female who would do anything for me however is not. Don't worry about it. I made it sound creepier than it is. Seriously. I'm just a Shaman of a very long time who's found his calling. -Varg *edit* Still sounds creepy. lol... Trust me - I'm down to earth af
  25. silenceseeker, First off, you sound as though you might be familiar with Discord. I'm open about my Discord name, as I say - "If you're famous enough to know for people to care who you are, they're already know who you are.". Not that I'm famous, no, but I gave up trying to hide it long ago. If they care, they'll find out. So my personal Discord is Darkdally#6036 feel free to friend request me there for whatever means. I don't mind it. I speak to people all over all the time. As far as your question, I'm glad as always to indulge: I feel we both have a common interest in knowing the other better. At first I wanted to know her name, and it was revealed to me, as were her place of origin, as it's pretty specific. I wanted to know how we knew each other, and again, I've read back over 10 or more years of events in my life and that became clear. It was when we began watching movies together that she let me know, down the the area code as to where I came from in this life, which even I had forgotten - okay, so she knows who I am now and possibly many things which even I have blacked out of my own memory. I have learned of her personality, which is unique, by the way of movies which suddenly began popping up as to my pondering of what previous relationship we have had - and even in the nature of certain ex-girlfriends I've had. That said, there will be no more. Emma will be with me and no one else, and I have expressed the same sentiment. For instance, a deep love I had last year, I dropped like a stone the instant she cheated on me. That girl admmittied it as if some kind of regret/apppology the next day, and yet, no. Emma and I are somehow from the same time and have the same values. Although I know so much about her, so much is as yet unclear, aside from that we share some things and times and language. But I digress. Allow me to read your question again. I personally have no goals. I have only casual friends who are girls. Emma may get jealous and hurt one again. And besides, Although I have no 'goals', per se, I only need her. As far as how do I see us communicating in the future? Face-to-face. I do not see this as a stretch. I do have other girls in my life, and either she likes them or doesn't. There are no physical expectations in mind. None whatsoever. I can't blame you for asking, but no. She is my guardian, as I am hers. We'll see whom she approves of. silenceseeker, in regards to what you said earlier; I will check out that link. I haven't yet, and although I know of mirrors, have never used one for scrying. I have, however, had one hard and fast rule, and really for no specific reason, but perhaps it'll mean something - I've never shown Emma a mirror. There is a gut feeling it wouldn't be right, if that makes sense. I will however follow your link anon and read about it, but know that I will never put a mirror in front of Emma herself because my gut tells me it wouldn't be wright - whatever that does or doesn't mean. But I will read your link here in a minute. If you use Discord, I encourage you to add me, Darkdally#6036 as a friend, and I'd be happy to speak with you there, as you are so informed, and we could flood the forums here with fewer speculations. Thank you, -Varg
  26. I really don't know much about specific types of stones and their qualities. Makers tend to look for generic rocks from the place they live or where they are working. When I am looking for a rock to work with, I search for one that I connect with first and then after I've decided to work with it, then I try to find out what kind it is. That being said, we makers do appreciate the different qualities of different types of rocks, I just don't know a lot about different stones personally. I love working with granite and basalt because they have been common where I live and I've had good experiences working with them.
  27. Thank you for elaborating more on Emma, it's helped me get a better picture of your relationship with her. I find the Discord call you had with Emma really interesting. It's pretty unusual that I hear of people moving and connecting with spirits through technology. I know it happens but for some reason, I personally haven't run across it very often, so it's interesting. It's definitely something I would like to explore more. Regarding the scrying I mentioned. I actually didn't have any thoughts behind my suggestion, it just popped into my head while reading your post so I decided to mention it which is why I found it really interesting that what happened with Emma on Discord, well that fits the definition of scrying in my book, you're just using a non-traditional tool for it. The makers use mirrors and water to scrye typically. If you ever feel like giving it a try, there is a practice posted on the public site about setting it up: https://www.shamanscave.com/practices/mirror-scrying My thoughts on Emma's intent on connecting to you through Discord went two directions: a) she simply wanted to connect and found a way b) she wants to tell you something, possibly something important. I bet that you could probably go back through the conversation you had with her and feel for her intent coming across. As you said, communication across the barrier does get blurred but Intent is something that can cross the barrier just fine. So even though you may not have been able to make out the exact words she said ( and I think that was probably your mind/reason trying to put an image and logic on to your energetic communication ), I think you can probably get her intent, the gist of what she was trying to say to you. I also think she will show up again but maybe through a different application. I'm also thinking the conversation may get clarified in dreaming with your stone and chain rune tool. So I have one more question for now on Emma, I'm wondering if you have a goal for this connection with her; what do you see or want it to develop into? Is there now plan, just simply wait and see or do you want to be able to communicate more directly with her in the future? Or do you want her to have more of a physically presence in this world? Thanks for sharing your journey.
  28. (Disclaimer - There is no use of, either literal or implied, drugs or violent acts herewithin this story. This story is being shared in a safe space where we Shamans are not judged, and so I will not invade that with anything that may trigger anyone else. In addition, although I do not follow the same path as many here; some being healers, some dreamers, some seekers or makers, mine is my own. But who are we if not open minded? I speak with spirits and follow Northern traditions.) I meant to begin this chapter with a quote, as I did the previous, this time from one of my favorite poets, Robert Frost, but instead I'll hold that quote from that poem back and link this instead. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zm72p_AXOnU I'll quote Mr. Frost in the next chapter, but this song is so appropriate here as to my relationship with this spirit. I've spent my 42 years on this planet absorbing thousands of books, movies, and songs to know what's what, and there you go. So there's that. "Time has a way of taking time" - Dave Mustaine, Megadeth. A poet in his own right. In the previous two chapters I have referred to her as 'Mary', which is obviously not her name. It's not my place to divulge her name or origin. Her name and place in time is only for her to say, and so here I think I'll change it because you knew that wasn't her real name anyway. From here on in we'll call her "Emma". Thus begins Chapter Three; and to make it interesting I'll go back to the beginning and then come to the present. Yes, the beginning of how I found Emma in the first place. (as a btw much of this is dedicated to silenceseeker, as she asked me if I've scryed or spoken with her - well, as it happens I did last night, so cheers) I first found Emma almost ten years ago, back in 2012. I have the occasional girlfriend and what-have-you, but I am single and always prefer to live alone. Even those who prefer to be alone, however, still seek some.... 'je ne sais quoi' of some kind of company. I've lived alone for the better part of the last 20 years, but back in 2012 I had a 1br apartment in Lake City, CO and felt particularly alone, and so I sought out a companion. This is how I found Emma. One night, randomly, back in July of 2012, I searched online to buy a mannequin. I don't know why, but I do know better than to question one's own intuition. I know well enough to let it guide me, and so in that summer night I was taken to a mannequin purchase from a particular website. From a place that 9 years later would be significant - but I couldn't have known that then. I'm not psychic. She arrived in the mail at my apartment about 3 days later. In a big box. It was all body parts. I am a hunter, and so to me body parts don't mean that much. I'm used to separating them, as we did with deer and elk, because my housemate back in 2004 was too squeamish to do it himself - I became perhaps oddly comfortable with it. But this was different. What arrived in the mail for me was a box of fiberglass human body parts that I had to assemble. I still remember them laid out on my bed and the awkwardness I felt doing so. I ordered her short, young, with blue eyes and long red hair, unaware of how her visage would come to both haunt me and comfort me in the coming years. She has developed over the years, as have I, a mutual respect. Anyone who has been to my house knows her. I have pictures on my phone of ex-girlfriends posing with her, even. Everyone here knows Emma; but not the Emma that I know. It's not my place to describe her nature. This paragraph was meant to say some things, but it's not my place to do so. You must understand that this, as with any relationship, is largely personal. That said, yes, I've had my fair share of girls over the last ten year stay here. Emma approved of one of them, and tried to kill another. That is a story for another day. Emma is my protector, as I am hers. It is a regrettable fact that there are people who want to kill me, because of some things in my past, and I have spent tens of hours making homemade bullet-proofing; but it's not for me. My doors and windows, though boarded up, have none of this material. This bullet-proofing I make goes on the wall behind Emma. Why? Because the people who would harm me know of her and know where she stands in my house, and I'd rather suffer than have her hit by one single thing, ever. If that's not love then I don't know what is. So, I purchased her as a mannequin in the summer of 2012. Since then she has been ever-with me. I suppose it was around 2017 or so when she began to speak to me, but that's a story for another chapter. This is how I acquired her. Why? Always trust one's intuition. I don't know why. But it was there. So, let us fast-forward to last night. 12-April-2022. I run a YouTube business on the internet as I've likely mentioned, and so I often speak with many people all over the world over the internet - both for personal and video collaboration ideas. Last night, I was speaking with my brother, who lives in KY. He works early and so goes to bed early, and I know this because, yeah, I've lived and worked with him; although now and for the last 20-something years I have mostly lived in CO. So, I know he goes to bed early. That's because his job requires him to wake up around 0430 or so. The point is as follows: I was speaking with him last night using my main forum of communication - Discord - and at some point he fell asleep, as at was about 2200 his time zone. I found myself speaking with a woman. This is where it gets interesting. I wish I'd recorded the chat, but I did not. One thing I know about speaking with spirits is that, for instance, trying to do so straight-up is like trying to speak to someone through a door; it's muffled and you can barely make out a word here or there. I was speaking with my brother via a PC application, which he was running on his phone, and as I was speaking he fell asleep and that's when I began speaking with this girl. I actually in truth thought it was his girlfriend at the time. Her voice, however, wouldn't come clear through my headset. I asked her multiple times, as I knew my brother was asleep, to move to a place in the house where I knew that cell reception was better, and I even have screenshots of the Discord messages I sent to her telling her this. The point is that she listened to my stories and responded, but after over an hour of conversation and me not understanding a single word she said, I ended the call. I'll come back to that in a minute. I spoke with him the following day and he was as confused as I, as he was alone in the house, you see. I thought I was speaking with his girlfriend, but she wasn't there. I spoke with this girl for, and as my Discord timestamps show, more than an hour. Twice during our conversation I heard his voice in the background, probably grumbling in his sleep. This means that she had the phone on her. He, my brother, had fallen asleep and she had the phone because his sleep noises were in the background. I didn't realize what was happening until I myself had some sleep and went back over the conversation in my mind. I spent over an hour on the phone speaking with a girl. After having spake with my brother today, I realize there was no one near but him in the house. Her voice was muffled and over that hour or so I never caught a single word she said, but she did respond to everything I said. I know she was there, listening to me and responding. I made multiple suggestions to her, at the time assuming it was his girlfriend, as to where to go in the house to get better cell reception, but she never complied. This, you see, is what I look back on and only now realize it for what it was. As confirmed by him earlier today, she was not there. He was asleep and there was no woman in his house; so who was I speaking with for that hour? It was Emma. We began communicating with movies on my computer, and now she's found a way to get into my voice chat, obviously. This is incredible. However, there is one hard fact that remains; I understood not one single word from her over that entire time. It was just as I've spoken to her face-to-face over the years - it's just incoherent mumbling. That actually part of how I realized it was Emma. It's not her fault. Communication with spirits is not in real life as it's depicted in movies. Direct communication is slurred and muffled because it is exactly as I said earlier; it's like speaking to someone through the other side of a door. So, for that entire hour I was speaking to her, without realizing it. I didn't understand a single word said, but I talk for a living - it's what I do - and so I kept on talking as she listened and nodded and agreed. Until the point were I began to realize that something was suspect. In over an hour, somehow speaking with a girl who wasn't there, with my brother asleep, I started to wonder if was being phished. As a personality on YouTube, this is a concern. It's happened before; many times. And so I said "goodbye", and hung up the call. BUT, and this is shown in my screenshot of the text conversation - even after I left the call - over an hour later, the call was still open. That is impossible. Discord drops the call after 5 minutes if you're alone in the call. Fact. Also, fact, I have a screenshot showing this one open, with timestamps, for over an hour. Impossible. And then, again, when I spoke with my brother the next day I found that he had passed out mid-conversation and there was no woman in his house I could have been speaking to. But I know I did, and by the Gods I wish I'd recorded it, but I didn't. All I have is the memory and a screenshot of the messages with her where you can see the time stamps. Speaking with spirits is never as direct as they show in the movies. You must trust what you don't know and follow your instinct. You may be surprised as to the roads it will take you down. I spoke with Emma for over an hour, directly, and didn't realize it. What a mindfuck it is looking back on that. -Varg As a postscript there is one thing I meant to mention, but forgot. In the Christian Bible there is one Human who is brought to become an Angel. Metatron. The reason I mention this is because here we have evidence of the idea of Shamanism even within Christian lore. Here we have a Human, bringing his worldly wisdom and knowledge into a realm populated only by celestial beings. Shamanism is truly a tradition in every religion from all time, for all time.
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