Shamanic illness? Manifesting opposite of desires? etc

[UnknownPatterns]

Basically, due to a combination of many factors, I'm experiencing both a shamanic illness, and a physical, as well as psychological manifestation of gaslighting, the process of making someone question their own reality, I think this is basically my will and intent/energy working against itself, as well as energy working against me. I had a can of chicken noodle soup that had been on my counter for two days, become chicken broth when I opened it. My dad almost choked, and my mom fell. I've had strange encounters with people. It reminds me of this person point of view on awakeninthedream.com . I am experiencing something of a shamanic illness and am becoming empowered as I work on my will continually. These are strange times we're living in.

[Alex]

Hey UnknownPatterns,

I've had certain experiences in my life that bent or warped my energy against myself in such a way that spiraled me into a self-loathing and self-harm way of existing. In the end it is my energy that is at play and the outside energies and influences that i internalized caused me, in a sense, empower those energies. Essentially i gave up my own personal power and surrendered my energy to those thoughts and experiences that shaped my energy into that self-harming form.

There is an exercise in the Maker tradition called recapitulation (recap) that helped me to kind of reclaim that energy. Like, it helped me see where i was giving power to the external and allowing it to create my reality in a sense. It also helped to sort out what experiences i had that were making believe that i "am" this or i "deserve" this.

In essence it helped me reclaim my personal power from those experiences and people who "shaped" me.

If you'd like to check out the recap practice i'll post it below.

https://www.shamanscave.com/self-healing/the-recapitulation

 

Another thing i found very helpful was spending time in nature, as it has a very grounding effect for me. Kinda allows me to decompress from the things that are making me feel overwhelmed as well as letting go of things im holding on to. This helped a lot with settling into my own energy.

 

Regards,

Alex