Completely Off, Out and Beyond Consciousness Now

[Eden]

I lost my ally last month. She and I were very close for 18 years. She died and now is buried under the cypress trees.  She kept me sane. Now, I am alone and things have really taken a nose-dive since. I feel out of it, ungrounded, uncentered and fearful of what may come. It is like the light has been shut off and in its stead a cold shadow has been cast over my heart and over my soul. I am walking as if sleepwalking and when I sleep it is a battleground. I toss and cannot find peace, even when there is nothing seemingly to bother me. My body is weak and wracked with pain. Day in and day out I find myself focusing on maintaining breath and posture. My steps are uneven. It is if soon I too will die - there is nothing to keep me here.

So, I've been reaching out to the world in true Eden fashion, will the answer come this time? Will healing ever reach my door and be accessible? Will I be able to move through this phase? And mostly criticial - where is my power and how do I get it back. It's been a very long journey for me. Last year I took a mandrake plant - fully - leaf and root. Mistaken identity. Things became clearer to me, but that is another post. However, my body as taken a hit from this I know. I am shakier. Neurological pinnings have been rendered undone or thinned in places where they should be thicker. That is how I perceive it. And the pains that were never there - now appear and are constant.

Medicine, healing, light and power. I need direction Home.