Infinity

Hallo everyone, As I am healing from various things, as recently realized that I have been autistic my entire life without knowing it makes it a very challenging period in my life right now. The shit does and meltdowns are different than self importance/pity as I am working with that aspect . Although it is intertwined with my childhood as I was always being blamed about my behaviour which seemed a certain way to others due to being overwhelmed, sensory overload and my expectations were just a cry for help to regulate my nervous system. So I have a challenging time working through expectations patterns and all the healing to clear out patterns having autism. Aside of all that there is a group of people who are trying to constant keep me in a certain pattern and make me fall. I had also brest cancer and a surgery with lympadectomy, I am unable to fully use my right arm due to the damage in nerved where I was pressured to do a surgery while I could have done something else. Now I am all alone and also due to my autstim and the unmasking of understanding myself ( like stimming helps me regulate my nervous system but I learned to shut down and I dont feel safe in public many times although have done it,my happiness to share information and talk about my interests and when people don't I feel odd). So I have a challenging time navigating my healing process with all that and in too having no support ( aside the healing)and being alone, also financially I am unable to do a crowdfunding where I need someone to do it for me cause I am having autistic burn out and all I need is a safe place to heal. I have gone through terrible things that no human being should ever go through. Any advice or support is welcome. I feel really my physical body will give up if this continues

Hallo Belle, I was searching for something to continue the recap as I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and came to that post. I have came to feel that there is guilt and some other emotions that aren't mine. I get jolted from sounds to go back into fear, which this brings me to the energy of the person that does that and I am not letting it go. Letting go is na issue but there is something more into it as I feel something is attached in my energy that was put there and when I try to release it all kind of odd stuff are happening around me from people try to reestablish it back to my energy. Any advice on that especially on what mentioned about surrendering into it when I feel I cant feel which is the blockage of that energy adn would want more than feel than being stuck which prevents my energy flowing and feel.

Thank you for sharing this. Your energy is so beautiful and the love/bond energy you had with your kitty. She could understand you in such a way and you her that is so beautiful. Loads of hugs and know that is really beautiful this energy.

I dont want to die is just I cant anymore. I cant anymore

I really think tomorrow to go and die. I cant anymore be like this. this is not me

I really think tomorrow to just go and die. I cant live like this anymore from the triggers. it fries my brain literally and brings me in fire activates part of my brain that are certain pathways and is conditioned. My brain is fried totally. I cant live like this anymore.

with the breathing is triggers that created. I was doing alright and then they have conditioned me though masonic rituals when I hear an alarm ot be in a frantic state and anxiety. I cant breathe and my mind is very angry for msoemthign that someone did to create that connection. I cant live like this anymore. I am thinking now to die. thats all I want ot find soem peace from all that trigger this isnt me even now. Is conditioned and I cant anymore. All I think is to just die and find soem peace.

Hallo Cyfnos, I was just in a very bad place and after I read about the recapitulation of what you said in the post, I start doing it and had effect as I let go and was feeling and following the momentum of what memory was coming up and start feeling again. My energy feels really bad at the moment that I barely can usually breathe from triggers they have created to go into my head. My energy from trauma now feels all over the place not grounded at all but at least I can feel it and many stings watched in my head felt released. I dont know what has happened to my energy from some people buy has been damaged. I hope I will be able to heal.

Thank you Lorrie, I have already started doing recapitulation, and I think it will take some time. I can see what has happened as I did give access, in trust. I was naive to say the least and now have to clear up all this mess. A certain part in my brain is also locked. I can say what part has been locked so I stay in flight/fight response that has activated a gene that plays sa role in an autoimmune response that is connected with my family. Again some clarity of what is happening will help as has been traumatic experience for over 2 years, and as crazy as it sounds they trained me to certain stimulus like a Pavlovs dog.

They have made me believe I am a narcissist and try to gaslight u have a mental illness. If I have I will go and ask for help but something tells me I am not. I think they want to harm me but making me have a heart attack or accident and looks like an accident. I think I have become an experiment. I know I have my things to work out and break some deep family patterns amd heal deep wounds but I know they are trying to keep me in fear, survival mode and doubt myself, feel confused of who I am and end up in a place that I don’t want to be.

Hi Lorrie, Thank you I am not sure if you d anything but my back is better. Can we talk, can I talk to someone about eve yet hung? My life is a mess and want to find it all back. I know it sounds like I am crazy but I am being gang harassed and I do t know if it’s my mind, hypnosis or stuff ate actually happening. i know I remember it all. Somehow working with myself all those years, so many things happened that led me to this point. is just crazy all the things that have happened. I think something happened with my ex, that she did all this that it all started from there and I had no idea. I am trying to figure it out and my life is a total disaster right now. hacing nothing, no income can’t find a job cause is something word happening. inrhink I got caught up in a Masonic ritual. I am really not sure. I know someone has messed up with my head really bad and can’t access my power and will. can I have some supper to inderwnd what is going on? Can you guys see in my energy and tell me exactly what is going on? I can give you the names of people, and anything that has happened.

They have also created certain response to sounds. Basically in the period of six months they have trained me like a Pavlovian dog without me being aware. Now this sound specific sounds make me get angry a bit and want to have sex as a release. i can share this whole story extensively, I just need to be safe for now.

Hi all, I am a very old student, some of you may remember me, I am Maria from Greece. I had got myself involved in a bad situation with some people that was unaware at that time as to what was happening. I got involved also with someone in Bdsm that has done something to my brain. I could sense what he was doing and I allowed it for a couple of reasons. A friend of mine she was there also that I would ask her to see what was happening in my brain, what they were doing. I would ask her to tell me what she saw so I don’t create any bias by telling her first. She would say the exact thing I was seeing. She could se that they were putting files in my head. wirh her some kind of energy exchange happened also that I was doing things like she was doing or her family causing some issues. is a complicate story but my brain has become susceptible from all this. As crazy as it sounds is a network of people that I think may be Freemasons or I am in this mkultra program. Again it may sound crazy but I think I have become an experiment , trying to keep me in trauma so I will not be able to use my abilities. another hypothesis that I have is because of this hypnosis my seeing skills became skewed that clouded my perception. Right now I am experiencing pain in my left side and that has been occurred from susceptibility in what some people were saying. if anyone can “see” and give me some feedback of what is happening I would be grateful. I am saved that they want to harm me by causing me physical ailment by passing certain thoughts. I feel like I am a puppet on a string and I am trying to find solutions and a way out of this. Thank you.