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Everything posted by Ticklebits

  1. Thank you so much for saying that and everything else amd I apologize for not replying sooner. Things have gotten pretty wacky around here. I could probably move if I really wanted to but I feel like ita my duty to stay here. Ive learned so much about who and what I am in the year Ive lived here than in most single years or maybe it just feels that way because what Ive learned has been intense. Questions Ive held in my heart since a child have been answered. I have recapped certain aspects of my relationship with my sons father. It is best for us both and I have suggested he do the same. I will be taking the recapitulation self healing class in march. The trees have been reaching out to me.. Showing me things. It is a long story. I feel fear in a way Im very unfamiliar and uncomfortable with but I am pushing on. Ive been educating myself and keeping confidence in my protectors and in my own power. I look forward to this class and feel like it will help me a lot.
  2. I take no insult at all and I certainly can be more than I am, and I want to be, and I will be. Im stuck at a bit of a low point in my life. Financially stymied and worth zero dollars. The father of my son has consistently thrown my loyalty in the garbage over nearly six years of me defending him (even when his actions were indefensible) and loving him in spite of unending attacks on my self and soul. I had to draw a line in the sand. He wasnt very good to me and I let so much slide because of his unimaginably horrific upbringing and because I knew from the start that hed have issues. Then two yrs in we had our son and it became about that too. The last thing I ever wanted was to be a single mom. I grew up in a ghetto neighborhood, in a weird ghetto city, only-white-girl-in-the-projects style and wanted to escape all of the statistics girls coming from here are subject to. But after the the better part of a decade and my adult youth I feel drained, my self esteem... Well i feel like a doormat that says "sorry" instead of "welcome" and thats not me at all. Its a fork in the road Ive struggled over for a while. I did successfully contain the curse object on dark moon. I kept it simple and the air/aura in our home is noticeably (to everyone even without any prompting) lighter. I feel like I am growing. Im seeing successes. Im seeing power Ive known Ive had inside me since I was a child come to fruition and it feels good. Also, i forgot, i think, to mention that Ive always been very drawn to water which for obvious reasons is very helpful. You can have 8 jars of water that all feel different and have different purposes. I used some infused water in the ritual which I think helped.
  3. Thanks Rebecca. I guess I just find myself discouraged lately. Ive even gotten some unusual things happening since I began recapping. After three recaps I tried to sleep only to have a line of what I can only guess spirits of the dead (living?) catch me right before unconsciousness and line up to ask me things. Most of them had no real questions actually as I recall and seemed happy just to speak with me. I remember things like this being scarier as a kid but this was like ghosts waiting politely in line at the DMV.Only most of them seemed rather excited and even happy. I remember trying to stay conscious (or whatever) to get to as many of them as I could. Admittedly, Im frustrated. My family is in real danger all the time and I put forth a lot of energy consciously and subconsciously warding off attacks from the worst kind of people you can imagine...plus a few other idiots with ill intent.My physical life makes it harder. Ive spent my whole life struggling in almost every way imaginable. I feel like I need a break but that feeling is only met with knowledge that I must work harder and be stronger. I dont mean to dump all of this here or on you personally of course; Im just discouraged and must work through it. Thank you so much for your thoughts though. My sister really loves rocks and stones. I imagine she will do great things with them. I have an easy time empathizing and forming bonds with trees and bugs. I love water and have looked into how water reacts to emotion and such (Masaru Emoto). Im pretty set on the path I walk but I keep pulling runes that refer to "a blockage." I pray most for clarity and try to read every day like a cryptic poem. I just dont feel like Im doing everything i can and should be.
  4. Thanks for answering. I think I just get overwhelmed by the information out there and want to use whatever I can to the best of my ability. My family tells me that I have a glowing presence and can put a positive spin on anything or make anyone feel better just by being around. Its strange to hear because I dont always feel that way but I certainly try. I have rather dangerous people to keep away from my family though and already live in hiding as much as I can. If I didnt have the faith I do in my protection Id probably be much worse off. I like the Maker tradition because it is down to its roots (or our roots I should say, as people) which is one reason I was nvr attracted to these "Go spend 400$ at an occult shop, dress up and youre a witch" type practices. Im scandinavian and I pray to scandinavian gods and occasionally interact with local spirits and befriend local trees. I guess I just have a habit of feeling like I can always do more for my family. We have a lot of hard times and are constantly persued but protected. Anyway, thanks for the encouragement:) Im excited to see what a solid month of recap feels like. ~T
  5. I read what OP has said and some of what was in between. So i hope im not being repetitive. Id recommend recapitulation like everyone else is of course but as someone who has spent much of my life being "fed off of," this could be a positive sign. A sign that you are a healer and posess healing energy inherently. Maybe you just need a strategy. A formula to deal with always giving of yourself as a natural healer. Its like this for many healers ive met or even non healers who work with energy a lot. Anyway, just a sort of positive spin and new angle you can look at this phenomena from. PM me if youd like to talk at all. I bet we could share some interesting stories ~T
  6. Ive only recapped 3 times and am seeing some rather aurprising results. Tonight will be my fourth and first nighttime (and cold lol) recap. I have a lot of negative energy coming at my family and a curse object I need to figure out what to do with. I feel a sense of urgency to do this obviously and am working on more than recapitulation although it is helping a great deal and in many ways, not the least of which is maintaining my energy. My question here is about herbs. What herbs have helped in what way for you guys. Of course I can get this information from other sources but in my experience the most legitimate work goes on here and I would value any advice. Even a short list or a link to a previous similar post would be greatly appreciated. Thank you, ~T
  7. Lol thanks. Yea Im very excited to just get started. We just found another set of curse beads after I destroyed (or rather back to its owner) the first. This one is more intricate and Ive been getting on it in other ways. I just have very little alone time haha I remember being very surprised the first time I popped into a shamanic "journey" though. Unfortunately I was SO surprised I kinda klutzed my way right back out of it like in certain lucid dreams. I do plan on recording in my book i use for these sorts of things though the lists and watching how this progresses. Gonna take it slow at first and advise my sis to do the same. Will post if anything real juicy happens
  8. I would agree with the above statement. I have to do this a lot where I live. I think its some kind of energy hotspot and lots of bad ppl have been through it. The energy here makes ppl do wacky stuff. At least two ppl have tried to hang themselves in the garge for no damned reason. Lots of weird animals around and such. And sadness, grief, anger in its past. I knew this moving in so the first thing I did was make friends with a rather bitter and distrusting tree. At first I felt renected but kept coming back to visit it outside and he becme more trusting and open to my friendship. He even helped me get in touch with some much needed internal fire and break return a curse to its maker (I had the cursed object that had been buried outside of my moms apartment). Ive shared my blood with him and many kisses Now I even pray at times, on my knees in front of him. I have. Gorgeous incence burner made to look like a tree with three faces and the smoke blows out of their "mouths." I love it and I have a fish that makes me quite happy which brings me to my next point:decorate with lots of your own things. Posters and art you like and burn candles or incense you like. I use visualizations to coat my walls in my own energy. Like I will touch a finger to a wall in each room and visualise vines springing forth from my fingers to quickly reach out and coat each wall in the room. I do this in every room and often. You can you powerful symbols (for me its runes) as protection. But much like my tree that seemed so angry at first perhaps consider other reasons this might be happening. Try to look at the situation from all angles. If a living persons energy is affecting you so strongly maybe there is something to gain out of what seems like a nuisance. Idk Im a very curious person and I dont really believe in coincidence so above all try to learn *nods* Best of luck and post updates
  9. I wouldnt have thought to do it that way. Thanks for the advice! I was kind of lost as to where Id start and definitely planned on writing a list of some sort. Small to Large is fiiine with me haha. Ive been working to pay more attention to moon cycles and the sky/stars etc. In your experience are there better times of day, week or month to do recapping or for recapping concerning a particular theme? I also read the article about grounding, although it has been a while. It seems like many different things one does in a day can affect shamanistic practices. Timing, food, music, emotion (obviously). I plan to record these as I go along and look for any connections but are there any significant ones youve experienced personally? Just curious.
  10. I can see how that might get messy for sure... I suppose Ive just thought of us as two halves of the same whole for most of my life. We have often been eachothers only true companion but I always try to look out for her and I know this recap might be a rockier road on her end. You may be right to advise she do this alone though. I just gave her an empty journal to record in which I believe will help. Grandmother spider has been calling on me lately (in dreaming and waking visions) and her presence reassures me that we are doing the right thing by re-assessing our goals in life and starting new journeys. Recapping being only one of them. But I trust Spiders presence to be helpful in our endeavors. Anyhoo, I would love to join you in your classes one day sooner rather than later It is on the list *nods* I love your Leonard Cohen quote btw and thanks so much to anybody who reads this. Often times I have epiphanies by simple correspondence so I appreciate it more than you know. ~T
  11. Thank you so much for replying I have read the recap article so many times. I was unaware it could be so helpful in this respect. The simplicity of recapitulation makes perfect sense to me and is a large part of why Ive been reading from this site for so long. Ive met so many self proclaimed wiccans or witches or what have you that spend hours setting up what seems to be a big useless mess to me. It never felt right to me. Ive learned more from trees than I ever learned from ppl like them. But anyway, before I make this too long, is there any specific pointers you can give me? For example a feeling I might have or by what sense I should feel out what the ppl who want to hurt me/us have done to us? Oh and one more quick question since Ive never seen it mentioned. My sister and I have quite a few shared traumatic memories. Would it be more or less helpful to do some of our recapping together? That is our plan as it stands and I couldnt think of any reason it would be dangerous. In fact, most of the signs Ive been receiving from dreams, prayers and various other friendly sources have indicated it could be very therapeutic. Just hoping for some thoughts from someone more experienced at this exercise than I am. Again, thank you so much for your reply
  12. I come from complicated ancestry. Ive lurked this site for years now and its the most legit and relevant I can find. My sister and I were born into natural gift. I thought until about the age of 10 that every place we went was haunted (and, really, they are in a sense but I was having very direct experiences) when I finally realized I was the the "haunted" one. We had little to no training growing up but I have quite a lot of book learning and am planning to make this the year I truly begin to hone my gifts. Theres a place on this website where Niteshad refers to Makers or shamans as "The healer that is always in pain," or something probably worded more eloquently but to that effect. That line has resonated with me for a couple of years now as I have felt, perhaps inarticulated, but felt that my whole life. For the sake of brevity however, let me sum up that there is no escaping for us. Wyrd, as I would call it, is stronger for some and while I was always they curious sister Ive wtched my other half struggle to ignore, escape or outrun our purpose for a long time. She is worse off for it. Forward is the only way to go from here. This post is in regard to an earlier post I saw. The OP was informed that a free healing group is available (perhaps depending on circumstance?) to those who need it...and I fear I might. I dont underestimate my gift but I am humble and I/my family have so many people (I use that description lightly) who want to hurt us... Some mostly want our children. Now, on top of those truly dangerous who are already a daily struggle we have a lesser "witch" slinging unwarranted hate, spells and curses I doubt she even knows much about (yet dont underestimate) at us. Im steeped in curses old, older and new! I dont think I have the knowledge or skill to untangle them all. Even the smallest bit of clarity or advice would be appreciated right now. Somehwere to start? As an aside, I am very monetarily poor. I would have taken every one of the classes on this page, if it had been an option, a long time ago. It is on the to-do list. Its a long list on our budget though :\ Thank you so mch for reading, Tickle
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