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stubborn depression


nitekreature
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Sorry to hear about that, I don't know the feeling of it so I won't pretend that I know what you been through. However, as I see it it seems like your energy is weigh down is just like there is lack of fire or spark within. I wonder if you have a childhood experience that leads to your depression, perhaps a nexus point or it could be an agreement( unconscious of course ). 

If you have done spiral 1 class, please revisit the first exercise, it might help you lift, ride the intent of life itself. 

Belle

 

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Thank you for your support and response . I have taken spiral 1 awhile ago . I have went through the classs again . I can not really focus on my computer screen to long and always find if difficult due to ADHD and eye issues to really learn and take fro the class . I did try exercise one but none . I have very severe debilitating depression and when I experience and episode I can barely lift myself out of it . 

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Would you be able to split yourself like one of you watching the self that is experiencing the depression so its like  one becomes the watcher and then there is part of you as the watched. Then when you can watch your other self don't resist or judged whatever it is experiencing. The fact that you can give attention to your other self can be a form of detachment and later on you can uncover whatever lies behind the depressed self, surely their is a pattern that runs and make it active.

Although I understand that you can't stay focus too much but just try. Will to lift yourself even for few moments.. take a baby step to get your life back in shape...

 

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((Nitekreature))

May I share something? When I was young I tried to take my own life. I too was so depressed, I couldn’t take feeling that way anymore. I took a bunch of pills, pulled the covers over my head, and waited. Then I sat up and realized I was about to make a big, big mistake. Even later, in different “circles”, let’s say, the people who successfully just took their lives and in the process of unraveling that came across our radar were in greater agony than when they were alive and depressed, all saying the same thing: what have I done? We did so much healing work on them as they unraveled, perhaps much more than they would have needed when they were alive.

We are going to all die sooner or later. I do understand your pain, very well. I can tell you there is a way out of it and you will be so glad that you saw your life through to the end because you came here for a reason, even if it isn’t clear to you now. I’m glad I’m still around to tell you this.

Dear Nitekreature: take heart. This too shall pass. can we do a healing on you? I would like that very much. We all would and are reaching out our hands to you. ❤️🌷

eman

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Hello nitekreature -

First, let me say I'm sorry you have to deal with this beast of a problem. And then you need to understand that depression is a liar. The thoughts generated by it are completely false. I'm old enough now to have been down Depression Alley often and hard, and have learned that nothing remains the same forever. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can't see it from where you're sitting.

Belle has given you a good suggestion.

Here's the next part. There are always steps forward that you can take. They may seem hard, but if you take them, one at a time, you'll find a little light coming into your tunnel.

First read this article by Gary and try the things that are suggested, some of which Belle has mentioned.

https://www.shamanscave.com/emotional-healing/fighting-depression

Next, spend at least 20 minutes a day outdoors or somewhere you can see living green. Indoor plants will do at a pinch. A cactus will do. Video screens and green paint won't work. Living green. It's necessary for your sympathetic nervous system. No phones, music, nothing but you, resting in the green. At this point no focus is required. Existence alone.

The next part is a mite harder - be aware of your feet on the ground. Touch the earth. Pay attention to the texture, the smell. What does your hearing tell you about your environment? You don't have to do all of it at once if you have focus issues. Just a bit at a time. Turn around in your energy and face outward. Close your eyes and listen for the farthest sound you can hear. Simple things. They are a start.

Continue your classes as best you can. When you begin to crawl out the other side of the depression, look to see how your experience might be put to use in helping someone else.

Depression is how I found the Cave, and that was in 2005. I've been here ever since. Perhaps think of your depression as a teacher or a lesson. If you can manage to listen to what it's telling you beneath the lies, you may find some answers. And then listen to the earth. Always the earth.

I hope you'll be feeling better soon. The universe is all about change. Hang in there. You're not alone.

- Beth

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I was thinking about suicide a lot in my life before but I was too afraid. I didn't have the balls for it, or perhaps something kept me going. It won't change anything and the chance of living will be gone. Life is precious! Some people realize too late. No I have suicide thoughts again and again because I know how I would have liked to live, to be, to express, how I am if I am happy and being myself... living a life worth living. This should be the goal. Be the best version of yourself.  But I know depression can be a bit**. And to me my words here, they wouldn't have done anything. And still I can't follow my own words, because the circumstances don't allow to live a good life... if life and existence is a joke, don't let it laugh about you by killing yourself... laugh about the one who laughs and say "F U". 

 

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