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peastacey

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About peastacey

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    www.amoepba.blogspot.com

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    NY
  • Interests
    dirt, big cats, uninhabited space, power, the ocean, lightning, survival reflexes

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  1. i finally got to read your post. self heal tom- be your *own* healer. : ) but start slow and take your time with it. please don't go straight to trauma again, don't go anywhere heavy yet as to avoid agitating wounds. you are a lot like me in your desperation to heal (if you don't mind me saying), so please understand this isn't coming from a place of judging. i started recapping all the current relationships and happy memories like a month in not realizing that was gonna make my home life even harder. but i was just so desperate to 'get over' all of it and detach from family so that it would stop hurting. and it hasn't ; ) so it's important to not let the desperation get in the way- let your intent guide *you* and you will get there. also did you read the grounding stuffs i sent you. grab some rocks and stuff. put your hands in the dirt. remind yourself that the narrative will end. it will take time and hard work, but keep intending and it will get better
  2. peastacey

    First Time Recapitulation (Recapping Trauma)

    hey tom, i'm so happy you reached out here. recapping is great and i'm happy you went for it. and pleased honestly at your receptivity. and a little blown away by the strength of your intent. : o i do recommend recapping, but wait until you get replies from the shamans first and take the class i told you about if you're able to. in the meantime: sit outside on the ground or stand barefeet out there. hug a tree : ) read the article on grounding i e-mailed you. you might not notice anything right away- for me, i didn't because of my expectations. sometime within the past two weeks i reflected on it, seeing that grounding does in fact 'work' on me.
  3. peastacey

    How to discover if I'm a shaman?

    whoa, i had a really hard time reading that list. Karl, thank you for your insights as usual : ) we put our energy in different places on a collective level these days then i imagine we once did. I think the way the 'call' might show up in 'western' cultures is this feeling unable to be superficial, and feeling unable to not see through things- this being complementary to how we're taught to spread our energy out thin, here in the states anyway. idk how it is elsewhere but i imagine that it varies culturally. Jonothon, I just wanted to tell you to open your heart to clarity again. You have a heart, and that's ultimately where your strength is. It's not gonna go away tomorrow. So take pressure off yourself. These're big visions you have for yourself and you might want to get there one day but you have to build up to it. Look for the 'grey' area of things- hypothetically, if you found yourself embracing a shamanic path today, you wouldn't be able to shout from a soap-box: "i'm a shaman!" tomorrow. i have been self-healing for several months and i am no where near that entitlement. No matter what, though, it's never about the identity. It really helps to let go of it- ultimately who we believe we are is irrelevant. Be good.
  4. peastacey

    How to discover if I'm a shaman?

    sorry jonothon, i didn't mean to come across as judging. my statement wasn't specific to you. paying respects to those who've been persecuted and recognizing personal privileges are points i like to put out there for people expressing interest. i'm one of those. what exactly are your apprehensions- what do you expect would happen if you 'journeyed'? if you're talking about what's referred to as 'harner style' journeying, it's a practice whose roots are in the shamanic, but not something only shamans do. perhaps my colleagues and teachers here could elaborate one what the effects of journeying are, how safe it is or isn't. s.
  5. peastacey

    How to discover if I'm a shaman?

    Jonothon, there's nothing to 'solve'. intend to see your path with clarity. keep your mind out of it. also: ask yourself why you want to be a shaman, and answer yourself honestly with that one. my introduction to the shamanic was one into which i was swayed by romanticism. it gave me a lot of escapism and it's been important to stay aware of that. i'm also grateful for what becoming conscious of romanticizing the shamanic has done for me. it helped me to be aware of certain privileges i have that those who've walked the path before me or in other parts of the world have not. i think that kind of realism is important to appreciate once you begin stepping inside. S.
  6. peastacey

    Lonely

    BL94, I'm echoing points that were made here for reiteration. To go out in nature helps me tremendously- to the sea, to the woods, anywhere in which bonding with the elements is called for. If I'm unable to make it, at least stuffing my pockets with herbs and rocks, taking my shoes off out there helps me calm down, grounds me. It keeps me in touch with my journey of finding out who I am...and maybe that's what's calling to you, too. What's been most helpful was figuring out what my values are, and little steps I could take to act in alignment with them. In effect, this brings people with whom I share similar values or at least interests to me. Values change and there's even been grief over what I've perceived to be failure, but it doesn't matter, because it's brought me to where I am now...I know what I want from my life and I know what it wants from me. All the best to you :) S.
  7. peastacey

    Transitioning, mind integration ?

    Hi Karl, Just wantedto let you know as I said I would that recapping went great yesterday and I've been feeling really well since approaching my intent without yielding. I had a bit of a fright about an hour ago with sudden self doubt which led to depression and have been resting, but I'm about to recap and intend to recover whatever the "attack" was drawing to my attention. S.
  8. peastacey

    Transitioning, mind integration ?

    Yes!- I thought my feeling rather mentally ill recently had to do with my mind fighting hard against my changing. When I finish my recapping since I started it, I see the same angry face being all threatening. Early on in the process I understood this to be a configuration of my own energy. I figure it's old, as it looks just like Hexxus from Fern Gully-my fav movie as a small child. I'd like to add though that the first time I went to read the bones of the dead this past Monday, I felt so in my power afterward that I saw the face vividly and just cut it down the middle. I'm glad to hear the process is not perfect. I wasn't letting go of an expectation that if I were doing this right I'd feel unbelievably awesome all the time by now, therefore I must be messing this up, not really recapping, etc. Right now I'm going to theta out, watch videos of foxes hunting and write my thoughts down, then recap. I'll let you know how I feel afterward. Thanks again for medicinal comments.
  9. peastacey

    Transitioning, mind integration ?

    Karl, Honestly your comment saved me from further spiraling downward today. The recap has been trying recently because I feel more distracted by the intrusive thoughts than usual, feeling really disconnected, and my expectations of myself are pretty high, which is expressive of that wall. I think it's all coming forward like this because I'm ready, not that I FEEL the least bit capable of handling it all. But I'm gonna try to keep the gentle energy of your comment in mind...sometimes I think if I could figure out how to be gentle to myself, that whole wall would just untangle seamlessly. Thanks for being intentionally gentle with me. S.
  10. Hi, I'm looking for Maker advice on dealing with life outside of the Shamanic. I notice whenever I'm in my awareness/intent exploring around I am fine. Totally fine, mesmerized, very understanding and respecting of my personal power and starting to accept it. I needed a lot of rest today and allowed that so I dove into the sea a bunch to rest and recover, learning everything I need to know. with my *energy* that is. Everything makes sense, and I can tell my self doubt is either weakening or I'm just not in my head when I'm there. When I get out of it however I'm sucked right back into the abyss again- I just feel like the same old intensely crazy person I am again, intrusive thoughts come crashing in, I feel like I need to run away from everything I know, flashbacks over everything, feeling deathly over my break up with my ex bf, and soooo very rawwwww. I am holding on to my big intents and shooting them out with all the strength of my will, recapping, etc. being resourceful. Do I just need to keep holding on tight like this and putting up with my crazies until...I don't know when? What advice or wisdom do any of you have for intrusive thoughts? I saw a fox before who told me I needed to approach them like a fox would, would this require shapeshifting? I have done it with a crow once and great white sharks many times, just something that seems to happen on its own. Just not sure if it's advisable early on like this. Thanks, S.
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