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Hi, I messaged you the exercise, you should be able to download it. Lorrie

Hi. I just received guidance that I should take up an old technique I learned from what I believe was the spirals/recap course? I do not remember the technique but I remember the logic behind it and the bare bones of the technique. One locates the energy that is trapped from an unfinished task in a kind of whirling vortex and then break that and retrieve the energy from it? But I don't think that's enough to put it into practice. It was different than the regular recapitulation technique. I don't know if someone could detail it. Either that or I think I need a way to view the old course chat logs. And I totally forget how to do that. And I do not know for sure which class it came from or which section of that class. I'm sorry if i'm posting this in the wrong spot or something. It always confused me because it seemed like there are two main forums. One that's more public and one that's more for class takers. And I never know how to navigate to the other one. TIA

Hallo everyone, As I am healing from various things, as recently realized that I have been autistic my entire life without knowing it makes it a very challenging period in my life right now. The shit does and meltdowns are different than self importance/pity as I am working with that aspect . Although it is intertwined with my childhood as I was always being blamed about my behaviour which seemed a certain way to others due to being overwhelmed, sensory overload and my expectations were just a cry for help to regulate my nervous system. So I have a challenging time working through expectations patterns and all the healing to clear out patterns having autism. Aside of all that there is a group of people who are trying to constant keep me in a certain pattern and make me fall. I had also brest cancer and a surgery with lympadectomy, I am unable to fully use my right arm due to the damage in nerved where I was pressured to do a surgery while I could have done something else. Now I am all alone and also due to my autstim and the unmasking of understanding myself ( like stimming helps me regulate my nervous system but I learned to shut down and I dont feel safe in public many times although have done it,my happiness to share information and talk about my interests and when people don't I feel odd). So I have a challenging time navigating my healing process with all that and in too having no support ( aside the healing)and being alone, also financially I am unable to do a crowdfunding where I need someone to do it for me cause I am having autistic burn out and all I need is a safe place to heal. I have gone through terrible things that no human being should ever go through. Any advice or support is welcome. I feel really my physical body will give up if this continues

Nick, I just now read this. I've been down this road, too. I'm so, so sorry. The emptiness that happens the first time you come home after she passes. It's like a huge shock. I didn't even realize how deep our connection had been. The awareness of her is suddenly silent. You did a great deal for and with her, Nick. I guess we all have regrets, though. But I'm here to say, she told you it was ok and that she was ready. And throughout her life she told you how much she loved you in return. It may take some time to process this grief. The best you can do is allow it. You're a great kitty dad, Nick. The amount of love you two shared was/is amazing. Love and hugs, Beth

@Nick I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I have two sweet boy cats, ten years apart, and my older boy is nearing the end of his years. He's 14 now, and still with me, but he's frail and tired and a bit crusty, but no less precious or loving or trusting or empathic. I've been grieving already in anticipation of what's to come. Every time he puts his paw on me if I'm upset or he just wants to be close feels like a blessing and a reminder that I won't always have him. What you shared is so beautiful and relatable. And the story of you holding her in the bath -- it got me. 😭 Many, many hugs. Your Kitty was clearly so deeply loved.

Hallo Belle, I was searching for something to continue the recap as I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and came to that post. I have came to feel that there is guilt and some other emotions that aren't mine. I get jolted from sounds to go back into fear, which this brings me to the energy of the person that does that and I am not letting it go. Letting go is na issue but there is something more into it as I feel something is attached in my energy that was put there and when I try to release it all kind of odd stuff are happening around me from people try to reestablish it back to my energy. Any advice on that especially on what mentioned about surrendering into it when I feel I cant feel which is the blockage of that energy adn would want more than feel than being stuck which prevents my energy flowing and feel.

Thank you for sharing this. Your energy is so beautiful and the love/bond energy you had with your kitty. She could understand you in such a way and you her that is so beautiful. Loads of hugs and know that is really beautiful this energy.

Looking great, love I can be in dark mode 🥰

It looks great on mobile too!

Just clicking around now, but it looks really nice !! Formatting and colors, it's all quite appealling and easy on the eyes.

The shamanscave forums are changing, as you may have noticed. If you're looking for the student forums they are now on Caveshamans, our student site. A lot of new features will be coming to the shamanscave forums as we transition to a new focus and purpose for them. You will also need to sign in to these forums now using your email address you used to create your account, this is a security issue. Your password has not changed. Check back soon, new things are coming!

I'm sorry for your loss, Nick. Your tribute to her and how she was interwoven into your life is beautiful. I think you also illustrated how the detachment we talk about as Makers doesn't mean, ' not feeling,' I think because we are more detached from the world, we tend to feel emotions with incredible purity and strength, like a child does before they learn how to shut the world out. I think placing her in view of the bird bath was a nice touch. And I think you made the right choice for her to go at that time, to keep her going would have been for you, not for her. And I think being with your pet, in those last moments, giving them comfort, letting them know they are loved is the best you can possibly do in those last moments here- think of her cat energy, returning to the pool, feeling that love and how that love that she brings in with her will enrich that pool for the new kitties coming into our world. Lorrie

@Nick "Living a life that is worth going through the pain of dying." The grief can show you things, a nugget of knowledge, when you feel ready maybe try this, go out in your garden and really set it free, move the energy of your sadness, move it into the word, into the trees, the ground, the rocks, let your awareness carry it out and touch everything in the world. Do that with all the will you can muster. I understand the joy, this movement can be quite joyful. Then in the empty space where the sadness was you will see something powerful just for you, probably even more gifts of knowledge that relationship created. C

{{Nick}} So sorry to hear of your loss. I know how much it hurts right now, but that's nothing compared to the connection you shared. In a way sharing this doesn't seem like the right time, but since I was reminded of it, I'll do it anyway. I used to have two cats, they are both gone now but it was interesting how they dealt with seeing me in pain. They both stalked it really effectively but in different ways. My other cat was a sweetheart about it, she'd poke her head at my heart and meow at me. My other cat, she just wouldn't give a shit. She would just stare me down ruthlessly, while going all high and mighty Egyptian goddess on me. There was something really funny about that, after a while it would always bring me great joy. It's difficult to explain, it's just the perspective she provided through our connection struck me that way. I don't think exploring your grief or even finding joy in it is a dishonor to Kitty. The opposite if anything, cats are curious stalkers. Kai

A beautiful tribute to Kitty, Nick. And to death, and life. ((((((hugs)))))) cheri

So sorry Nick for your loss of Kitty, I feel you. Our bond with our cats is very special, a true connection and love shared unequivocally. I understand how you are feeling right now, know it will pass and remember that Kitty is not gone but just moved on.. ((hugs)) Belle

I’m so sorry Nick. 😢❤️ My dog Cleo was my heart dog. She passed away 6 years ago…I grew up with other dogs and didn’t think I would be affected the way I was when she passed, so I know what it’s like (it sucks 🙁) but it does get better with time. ((hugs))

So my cat died two days ago. I can't really say it was unexpected. I knew for awhile that she had maybe a year or so left. I took that information and generally made the most of what time I had left, but now that she's gone I am feeling all sorts of things. There is of course the usual regret. There were times where she wanted more pets than I had left in me on a given day. Days where I felt like doing other things than holding her. Looking back, whatever it was that I was busying about with was not really as important as maybe taking that extra moment and holding her. Kitty liked to be held. At least she did before things got bad last week. I could tell things were progressing when that changed. There wasn't a whole lot I could have done to prevent it. Bi-monthly blood transfusions averaging to about 5 K a pop unfortunately weren't an option. Even if I had the money I wonder if it would be worth it. You take away the monetary value that somehow we place on a life and what's left is quality. Was kitty happy ? For most of her life I would say she was. I heard the expression soul animal for the first time just last week and while I was reluctant to say definitively Kitty was my "soul animal" - i can now in fact confirm, kitty was a soul cat. There's just something about that bond. I don't believe it's a one and done, like I will never be able to have that sort of deep connection with another animal because I know I will and can, but for whatever relationships I have in the future, mine and kitties relationship will be unique. I've been through a lot with kitty. Life has changed immensely over the last 12 years, which is how old she was. Kitty was a constant. I would go to work and then home, alone and spend hours upon hours just hanging with kitty. It's unfortunate that we never are able to fully grasp just how important something is to us until we lose it. Even when we know and cherish what time we have our minds hide from us the immensity of our emotions. Or at least try. I never doubted that I loved kitty. There has never really been much I wouldn't do for her. And that love was something I felt all of the time. So many hours of just togetherness. Not like lost in love or anything like that, but just moments. Very special moments where you could be yourself, pour your heart into something and really be asked absolutely nothing in return. Well . . Almost nothing. Kitty liked treats. Loved tuna, yogurt. The underside of her chin scratched as she was held and leaned backwards with her face pointed down at the ground. When she was younger kitty did flips with me. Sadly there came a day where she no longer cared to do that, but there really wasn't a limit to the trust she placed in me. One time she got fleas. I was pretty broke at the time and was exploring ways to get rid of her fleas that didn't cost money. I decided a bath would work. Kitty laid on my chest and had all but her head submerged for at least an hour. I thought drowning the fleas would work. It didn't, but what cat lets their person do that for them. Kitty. In some ways I think I must have led a pretty sheltered life if a cat dying was like this supreme moment of grief for me. And it's not l have led a sheltered life, at all . . I've basically lost everything. A few times, but holding kitty as the vet pushed those meds in . . I have never felt grief on that level. It was like a movie. Me holding her face, choked up and sobbing. You'd think that's the hard part and maybe it was, but living without her isn't proving to be easy either. When I got home from the vet, she was in a box. I wrapped her in her favorite blanket and then picked a spot in the garden. A nice perch on top of a hill overlooking the bird bath. I've been at this maker thing now for 15 years and have had my fair share of moments. Burying her was one of them. It's weird how things come together when they do. A confluence of intents magically seeming to all arrive in that magical moment and with that bringing meaning right when you need it the most. I've learn to trust those moments. I had a lot of those with kitty. At the vet, I really wanted to take her home. I wanted her to die at home. I also didn't want her to suffer though. I remember holding her and speaking to her with intent, wanting to know what she wanted and she was just so chill. She was ready. As a maker you learn to deal with strong emotions. We connect to them differently and with emotions this powerful it has been quite the ride. It is odd because the pain at times is terrible, but that sense of connection and love is so beautiful that it makes all of the grief and requisite sadness honestly worth it. I suppose that's the point though. Living a life that is worth going through the pain of dying. I'm learning a lot through this experience and sometimes I am torn about that. I feel like finding joy in exploring grief is at times almost a dishonor to kitty. I really don't believe that, but it is a peculiar thing to experience. I find myself opening up and being unable to do anything but run straight at it in classic maker form. I believe that's it for now. It's a lot to process and deal with. I tend to sort of just go at these things alone, but I am part of a community here and that's what this space is for. Talking the weird stuff out, sharing and exploring things that a lot of people just don't care to explore. I attached a photo of kitty. If you have an animal at home, give it a hug for me ❤️ -Nick 891ae6c8-812c-493d-927e-bf5a8e7ff9de.jfif

Hi Hollow, have you looked into requesting a healing on the healing page of this site? Here is the link: https://www.shamanscave.com/shamanic-healing/shamanism-healings-at-shamanscave There is also a self-healing technique called recapitulation. The basics can be found here: https://www.shamanscave.com/shamanism-the-recapitulation/the-recapitulation Im sorry you’re going through the things you described. I’m also very sensitive to cities and all the energy that’s in them, sometimes it’s just that sensitivity to them that can cause the restlessness, but if you feel something more is going on don’t hesitate to contact the healing lab, it’s free and the healers here are happy to help. The recapitulation self-healing technique is good getting a better handle on your own energy versus outside energy as well. Kind regards, cammie

There is a spirit I feel that targets me to make me feel restless. it seems like its very strong and present near urban environment and technology etc but not when I am out in nature away from those types of electrical fields. I tend to feel at rest if I am alone out in nature somewhere. However it doesn't seem like I am ever capable of feeling restful, relaxed or have bodily peace any other time. i have a lot of medical things that make it that certain outside stimulus can trigger pain or seizures. The weird thing is that it seems I am extremely unlucky where its like there is a constant string of things that dont allow me to rest. Like for example I can go to a park and finally feel restful for a brief second and then someone will come around with some kind of power tools (leaf blowers etc) to trigger me again. Even my family have recognized and made jokes of how unlucky I am. I feel like all of those events are too much to be a coincidence because it seems like its the stuff like that is non stop. Seriously, it seems like this kind of thing lines up to torment me and it has been ongoing for a few years now. Not allowed to have a full restful nights sleep because something will wake me up. Not being able to lie down to rest normally because a loud noise will trigger me again ( i have hyperacsuis and reflexive epilepsy.) Really hoping that anyone who can help me out through this process. talk through it. Maybe try to help me identify the problem. Its been so long like this and with other medical struggles its been really difficult to bear with. To whoever reading this, bless your soul

Greetings, I thought I should post a note about changes to the websites and what that means as far as classes and such are concerned. Currently, there are three web sites, https://shamanscave.com which has become primarily an informational site as it was originally. Https://caveshamans.com which is the class site. Https://archives.shamanscave.com where students can find their class logs from the old shamanscave site. The evolution of the sites has taken several versions and about three years. There was a great deal to reorganize and add in hopes of bringing everything up to modern web standards. Caveshamans has multiple forms for class listings and offers chat, private chat, streaming classes, conferences for multiple attendees and private video chat. Blogs were moved to caveshamans and as a registered user you have access to roughly 150 logs from past public discussions. It was important to us that we provide more for students than just simply taking a class and while we aren't finished adding features yet I think we've made a good start. Shamanscave has been regorganized and cleaned up to make articles and information quickly available from the main menus rather than having to wander through too many areas searching for specific topics. We hope the changes make things easier to find and use, niteshad